A little boy started choking on a condom. His father came and was in a great panic. "Please don't leave me. I don't want to lose you!" he cried over and over again. Then his wife came in and said "it's alright darling, there's plenty more in the drawer". "Oh, thank God for that, I thought I lost it there!" dad replied.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Why did the rabbit cross the road? I don't know, I was asking you.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Why cant penguins fly? because they cant

thumb_up thumb_down +27

"How come dinosaurs don't talk?" " I don't know. Why?" " Because they're dead."

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Once upon a time, a story teller used the "once upon a time" metaphor in order to tell you your parents have died in a terrible accident

thumb_up thumb_down +27

An American man stopped me the other day and asked for the time, I looked at my watch and said: 5 o'clock.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

what's more funny then being raped? not being a minority!

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Where do astronaut cows go? Nowhere. There's no such thing as an astronaut cow.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

what's shaped like a tree? a tree

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What is a panda bear? A bear with black and white fur.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

How much does a fat penguin weigh? 45 kilograms.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

So I was eating pancakes in my driveway...or were they waffles?

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

what is a model plus a poop plus a rhino plus a flamingo a peice of floob split in half or a shelby koon

thumb_up thumb_down +25

why are asians eyes so slanted? because THEY WERE BORN THAT WAY!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +25

The daring man said "here goes nothing." And nothing happened. -Tag

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Three men walk into a bar, they are promptly served and then they go home. Later that evening the bartender closes the bar and goes upstairs to his apartment where he is struggling with his debt... Business hasn't been as good these days.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Oh, I must be hearing things.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why don't NBA basketball players shake hands after a game like players in NHL hockey...? ...Because it's a tradition in then NHL.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

what do a fish and wood have in common? when they're dead, they float

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Question: What did one lesbian say to the other lesbian at the grocery store? Answer: Will that be paper or plastic?

thumb_up thumb_down +23

what did the smoker say to the doctor? nothing she died of lung cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

How do you make a plumber cry? You kill his family.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

There are four worms walking in a straight line. The first worm says, "Hey, there's a worm walking behind me!" The second worm says, "Hey, there's a worm walking behind me, too!" The third worm says, "Hey, there's a worm walking behind me, too!" The fourth worm says, "Hey, there's a worm walking behind me, too!" How can this be? ...the fourth worm lied!

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops