I like pancakes. I like pancakes. We have no pancakes

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Why did the girl put on make-up and perfume? Because she was ugly and smelled bad.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Q: What did Batman say to get robin into the Batmobile? A: Robin, get in the Batmobile!

thumb_up thumb_down +42

What is worse than a fly in your soup? Getting hit by a train.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Q: What happened to the blonde who tried to commit suicide? A: She died.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

What do you call the man who graduated medical school last in his class? Doctor

thumb_up thumb_down +42

What do you call a gay black man driving off a cliff? A fine example of the dangers of drink driving.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Womens rights.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

How many hours of sleep did Jimmy get last night? Zero, because he has insomnia. Jimmy got fired from his job today because of his lack of energy and motivation due to his disorder. His wife divorced Jimmy because he can no longer support her and their two kids.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

What did one prisoner on death row say to the other? Can you please clean off the seat when you're done? I'd like to die in my own urine.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

, , /^\ ___ /^\_/ `...' /` ,__\ ,' ~ ( ,___\ ,, ., \ \___ \\\ .'.' .-. ) .'.-\\\`.`. '.-. ( / (==== ."". ( o ) \ ,/u `~~~'| / `-' ) "")^u ^u^|~| `""". ~_ / /^u ^u ^\~\ ". \\ _ /u^ u ^u ~\ ". \\ ( \ )^ ^U ^U ^U\~\ ". \\ (_ (\ /^U ^ ^U ^U ~| ". `\ (_ _ \ )U ^ U^ ^U ^|~| ". `\. (_ = _(\ \^ U ^U ^ U^ ~| ".`.; (_ -( _\_)U ^ ^ U^ ^|~| "" (_ = ( ^ U^ U^ ^ U ~| (_ - ( ~ = ^ U ^U U ^|~/ (_ = (_^U^ ^ U^ U / (_- ~_(/ \^ U^ ^U^," (_ = _/ |^ u^u." (_ (/ |u^ u.( (__/ )^u^ u/ /u^ u^( |^ u^ u/ |u^ u^( ____ |^u^ u( .-' `-, \^u ^ \ / ' .---. \ \^ u^u\ | ' ` ; | \u^u^u:` . `-' ; | `-.^ u`._ _.'^'./ "-.^.-```_=~._/ `"------"' Seahorse

thumb_up thumb_down +40

What's there like a good neighbor? Your neighbor

thumb_up thumb_down +40

How do you punish an electrician? Kill his family.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

why did the onion fall out of the bag? ...there was a hole in the bag so the onion fell out

thumb_up thumb_down +40

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A fossil.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Why does snoop dogg carry around an umbrella?? ......fo drizzle

thumb_up thumb_down +38

What did the college student say after he failed his test? He didn't say anything, he was a mute.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

A black man and a mexican jump from a tree. Who hits the ground first? The mexican. The black man had a rope tied around his neck.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

A Blonde, a Brunette, and a Red head walk into a bar They are friends from school and have not seen each other in 15 years; they are hoping to have a good night out

thumb_up thumb_down +38

What's the square root of 69? 8.3

thumb_up thumb_down +38

how many large people can you fit in a bath tub ... 1/16

thumb_up thumb_down +36

A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

What's brown and sticky? Poo.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Why did the bus fall down? It was hit by a bus and then repeatedly battered by a blender

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops