Whats blue and smells like red paint? If you know the answer then you should probably stop sniffing paint.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Two muffins are in an oven. The first muffin says, "Boy it's hot in here." The second says, "It sure is." Both muffins then faint from heat exhaustion and are eaten to death when taken out of the oven And thus tragically, the world would never know of the spectacular talking muffins.

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You know what your problem is? I'm too good looking.

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Q: What do Obama and George Washington have in common? A: They are both intelligent, trustworthy presidents who truly care for what is best for the United States. Except for Obama.

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In particle-joke physics, the antijoke is the extension of the concept of the antiparticle to the joke, where the antijoke is composed of antiparticles in the same way that the normal joke is composed of particles. Furthermore, mixing jokes and antijokes can lead to the annihilation of both, in the same way that mixing antiparticles and particles does.The result of antijoke meeting jokes is an explosion.[1]

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A dog and a bird are sitting in the front yard of a small suburban community. The bird turns to the dog and says nothing, because birds lack the ability to speak. The dog then reaches down and slowly consumes the bird before returning to his house.

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how do you make a family tan? You burn them in the house.

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Why does Snoop Dogg need an umbrella? Fo' Drizzle

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What's the difference between 6th graders and Jews? 6th graders make it back from camp. :)

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Knock knock Who's there? Death. Come with me.

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Why did the train crash? Because the conductor was a cucumber.

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Your momma's so fat that she should probably be worried about the increased risk of cardiovascular disease.

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Micheal Jackson walks into a bar?

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Do you wanna hear a Ebola joke? You probably won't get it

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What would the world be like without 1 direction it would still be the world but just without 1 direction

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for keeps?

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John has 38 candy bars. He eats 28. What does he have now? Diabetes. John has Diabetes.

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your mom

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what rhymes with sloth? -RaPe-

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penis

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How many black people does it take to change a lightbulb? none, you can't see them in the dark. V

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Whats funny about the Holocaust? Absolutely nothing considering millions of people perished and you people think its funny!

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What's white and hides in a tree. A refrigerator.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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