Your mother is so fat, when she dives into a pool, the on duty life guard blows his whistle to get her attention. He then proceeds to tell her about the dangers of diving into a pool with the depth of 5ft or less and asks her not to continue her antics. She is not pleased but decides it is best to follow the rules.

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The internet is the most terrible fucking place in existence.

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What do you call a kid with no arms, no legs, and an eyepatch? Names.

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What do you call a black man riding a bike? Alan. He's studying environmental engineering at NYU.

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Q. What is a brown cow called? A. A cow.

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What did 0 say to 8? Nice belt

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So a black man, a white man and a latina walk into a sentence that doesn't end how you expected it to.

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What time is it when an elephant sits on your car? 12:00

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What did Hitler say to his men before they got in the tanks? Get in the tanks

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Can you get me a stapler,make sure it has staples because if it doesn't..........I won't be a ble to staple anything

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What do you get when you cross a joke and a rhetorical question?

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A doctor, a farmer, and a blonde walk into a bar. The doctor orders red wine because he knows it's good for the heart. The farmer orders a Piña Colada because he likes fruit. The two men wait eagerly to what the blonde is about to order. The blonde opens her purse and says "Damn it, I can't find my credit card." Suddenly, a handsome young gentleman walks up to her says "Don't worry miss, I'll buy a drink for you. What are you having?" The blonde looks up and says "Don't worry? I just lost my credit card!" In a fit a of anger, the blonde storms out the bar and doesn't order anything.

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What do you call a black man who flies a plane? A Pilot

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Why did the mexican jump when he heard police sirens? The sirens where very lound and abrupt. Therefore startling this mexican man.

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what do you call a animal with 3 horns. a triceratops

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what happens when a jew meets a black person answer: they greet one another

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There are two hippopotamus' in a pond cooling off from the hot day. One is named Nathaniel IV and the other Timothy. Timothy asks Nathaniel, "Nathaniel, what day is it today?" Nathaniel then replies," I believe it is Tuesday." Timothy is taken back then replies," How odd. I could've sworn it was Wednesday."

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JLo made a song about my diick- "On the Floor"

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How many Amish people does it take to change a light bulb? None because they don't believe in technology.

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how do you get a taco? Buy one!

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Dick spice

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Q: What do you give a woman with everything? Nothing. You own nothing to give.

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what's the difference between a chicken and a grape? They're both purple........ except for the chicken

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Why did the deer die Because Jupiter is incapable of supporting life

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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