A duck walks into a bar and the bartender says"What do u want?" The ducks replays "EVERY DAY IM SHUFFLING!!!" The bartender slaps the duck in its face and quid his job. The bar has a hard time finding a replacement and his business dies. THE END

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Take my wife- to the store.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why did John forget his homework? While driving herself home at 8:00 PM the previous evening, his mother got into a terrible automobile accident. She was rushed to the emergency room, only to find out that one of her main arteries in her right arm was cut. Death was probable for her in the next few hours. John and his father, sitting at home playing a friendly game of chess, were notified of the accident by hospital secretaries. His father rushed John with him to the hospital in his Toyota Camry. Upon arrival, they were notified that John's mother had only a few moments left to live. They ran into her room, and said their last parting words. John's were "I love you, Mom.", and her husband's were "I love you, honey." She then passed away. John began to weep, and his father put his arm around him to try to comfort him, while feeling extreme sadness as well. Around this time, back at home, his dog, Rex, ate his homework that he left on the dining room table. John and his dad then drove back home, crying their eyes out. This kind of sadness they have never experienced before. He will always remember his mom, and love her to bits. His dad, well, he was never really the same after her death. The funeral was scheduled for the next week. John will always remember his mom as being a nice, caring individual with so much love for everyone in the world. Him and his dad later picked out a nice, blue coffin that reads "You will always be missed" on the top of it. They chose it because John's mom's favorite color was blue.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

why did little suzy fall off the swing? She had no arms Knock knock: Who's there? Not little suzy Why did the car crash? Little suzy was driving Why didn't little suzy ride her bike home? She died of her injuries from the car crash

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Seth stock has a large penis

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why did the boy fall out of his high chair? I'm not sure.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

How do you get an Irishman out of a bar? You politely ask him to leave.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What did the man do when he was tired Nothing he went to bed

thumb_up thumb_down +12

If push pops give life a push, Then isn't your mailbox purple?

thumb_up thumb_down +10

The women if the wnba are good at basketball

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Whats worse than The Holocaust? TEN HOLOCAUSTS!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why couldn't the black guy enter the room? He was too large to fit through the doorway therefore he turned around and left

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What's worse than a stain on your carpet? Two stains on your carpet

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Wanna hear a great joke? (any answer) Your dad's choice of condom.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Does this napkin chloroform?

thumb_up thumb_down +10

what do you call a kid with no arms and an eye patch? names...

thumb_up thumb_down +10

A teenage girl walks into a dark alley. She emerges on the other side completely unharmed.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Q: Whats the difference between a friend and a bestfriend? A: The other one has best in front of it dumb A$$

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Your mom is absolutely pefect. This makes me love HIM.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

69

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What did the Penis say to the Condom? Nothing. The human organ is not able to talk to another inanimate object, therefore it's impossible.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What did the black kid get for Christmas? A bike that his father paid for with the salary he made as an accountant at a local bank.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Knock Knock. Who's there? The Gestapo.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why wasn't Fred invited to he party? Because he's been dead for five years

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops