An Octopus walks into a bar and sees that there are multiple people with instruments. The man with the Guitar says "I bet you cant play the Guitar better than Led Zeplin?" So the Octopus plays and he is better than Led Zeplin. Then the man with the Piano says "I bet you can't play the piano better than Elton John?" So the Octopus Plays it better than Elton John. The Last man from Scotland says " i bet you can't plat the bagpipes better than me?" So... The Octopus is playing around with the Bagpipes and they say to him "Hurry Up!" and the Octopus says "Shut up, I'm trying to have sex with it but first I need to get it's pajamas off" (Bagpipes have 8 long things you blow into and they have a pattern that looks like a pajama pattern) hahaha

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Why was the T-Rex always sad? He couldn't clap his hands.

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Why do black people like Basketball so much? Because it is a sport participated world wide. They just happen to like it too.

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My penis is small, Just kidding, it's huge.

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roses are gray violets are gray everything's gray I'm a #$%ing dog

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Johnson stops eating

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why did the slytherin cross the road twice? ... because they are double-crossers.

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How do you kill zombie Jesus? You can't.

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The cow went moo

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A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are all stranded on a desert island for a few weeks. They get to know each other really well.

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What is worse than 10 babies nailed to 1 tree? 1 baby nailed to 10 trees.

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What is black, white, and red all over? A skunk in a blender.

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Q. what did the gay man say about the smoothie? A. he said "that is soooo good"

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Why did the depressed teenager die? Because he had cancer.

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Friends are like pickles. If you eat them, they die.

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What would you call the fatty cranial mass surrounding a malignant tumor? Ted Kennedy's Head.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It was running from its imminent death. It was being chased by a dog with a shark's head and chainsaws for legs. It was only delaying the inevitable.

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How do you stop a black guy from drowning? You take your foot off of his face

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A dolphin walked into a bar, wait. . . dolphins can't walk, or go to bars.

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A horse walks into a bar The bartender says "Why the long face?" Unable to under stand English the horse shits on the floor and leaves

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we all know sammi has a penis

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he felt like it.

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McDonald's... Giving people with swag jobs since 1942.

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Why was Six afraid of Seven? Seven was in a horrible car accident recently and became very disfigured. He didn't tell Six, so the initial shock of seeing him for the first time was quite jarring for Six. Seven has had multiple surgeries since and, once the swelling recedes, he should look much better. It will still hurt for him to chew though.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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