Q: What's the quickest way to a woman's heart? A: Through her ribcage.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What did the Lumberjack say before cutting down the tree? Nothing, it's his job.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

I lost my tractor.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why are the British so uptight? I don't think they are.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What did the cricket say to the bear when it entered it's den? Nothing,crickets comunicate by rubbing their back legs together to create vibrations and sound,and it cannot be understood by any other animal besides crickets.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

what do men with small penises use as condoms? appropriately sized condoms.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

what's worse than finding a fat couple in a buffet?

thumb_up thumb_down +9

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. They had just been to their father's funeral, who was a Welshman.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What's white and flies around ? A seagull. What's black and flies around ? A seagull in the darkness.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What is funny about 9/11. Nothing, it was a tragic day for the world.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

There's two men on a subway. One says "Hey, that's my sandwich.".

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A white police officer pulled over a black guy on the highway. The cop asked him for license and registration. The black guy had a tail light out, and was very polite and cooperative. The two became close friends, but then one night, the black guy went to the house of the white cop. The black guy brought his wife and daughter over for a dinner party, eating grilled turkey sandwiches with mayonnaise. When the cop's attractive wife asked the black guy if he would like some fresh watermelon from the patch in their back yard, he respectfully declined, for he needed to return to his own home to patiently wait for a business call from one of his employees, who was also a very intelligent and hard working African male. Once home, the black guy turned on his stereo, to listen to some calming country music at an appropriately low level of volume, as his daughter and wife had gone to sleep, for the wife also had work in the morning, at her law firm, and her daughter had a job interview after her day of classes at Dartmouth were out for the day... then Martin Luther King Jr. woke up from his dream, and was soon thereafter assassinated.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

what is yellow and cant swim? a bull doser what has 4 wheels and is green? grass, i lied about the wheels what is worse than finding a worm in ur apple? having cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Q:how many anti jokes does it take to make a person lough A:1

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did lady gaga call her grandpa? papaw razi. even wrote a song about him.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What do you call a women in the kitchen? A caterer

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A german police officer sees a Rabbi. Nothing happens, it's 2011

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Q: how do you get a girl with one arm to fall out a tree? Wave and wait for her to wave back.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did the prisoner say to the man who posted his bail? Thank you.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a tomato

thumb_up thumb_down +5

there are 2 sausages in a pan. one sausage says "wow it's hot in here" and the other sausage says "MY GOD A TALKING SAUSAGE!!!!"

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why was the girl angry? She's PMSing. Give her a banana and stay away.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What happened when the white man saw a black man running with a purse? He called the police. The police proceeded to chase the black man down tackling him into a dumpster, causing permanent spinal damage. Upon investigation into the situation, the black man was deaf and he was bringing the purse, which contained an epi-pen, to his dying wife a block away. The white man who called the police and the police officers involved were sued by the family for a large sum of money.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Henry: Say the word "really". Moe: Really. Henry: Now say the word "really" with sarcasm. Moe: Really? Henry: More sarcasm! I want you to be very sarcastic! Moe: Oh really??? Henry: There ya go!

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops