Why the girl fell from the swing? cause she had no arms

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So a black man hails a taxi...

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A catholic priest held a puppet show at a kindergarten. The children were a very polite audience and the event was considered a great success.

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Why couldn't Larry walk his dog? Larry doesn't have a dog.

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? "Poker Face"

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Women.

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2 men shot up a morgue, 16 bodies remain dead

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Knock Knock Who's there its me... we need to talk go away tod. i told you never to come back here babe, just open the door why? so you can beat me again? i said i was sorry! i just want to see my little girl... well maybe you should of been there for us! babe... i love you you lying son of a bitch... you dont deserve us open the damn door or i will beat it down im calling the cops YOU BETTER NOT BITCH! I WILL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU! tod... please... get out come here no... NO! get the hell off of me!!!! HELP!! RAPE!! RAPE!!! SHUT UP WHORE (crying) please... please... ...mommy? SARAH! GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! MOMMY LOVES YOU! ooh.. theres my little girl. you miss daddy? GET AWAY FROM HER!!! SHUT UP BITCH! come give daddy a hug what have you done to mommy? what you want some too? SARAH I SAID GET OUT THE HOUSE! GET HELP! ...mommy im scared... (sob) oh your crying? you want something to cry about? OH ILL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT! .... you better get the hell out of here tod.. whoah... babe where did you get a gun GET OUT babe... put the gun down... relax NO YOU RELAX! all these years ive been raising this baby. without you. all by myself. and i dont want you in the picture now. ILL DO WHAT I DAMN WELL PLEASE ill see you in hell... (BANG) (BANG)

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What's the difference between a catholic priest and acne? Acne waits until the boys hit puberty before coming on their face.

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"Knock knock." "Who's there?" "Well judging by the fact that there's no actual door in between us I'm pretty sure you can decide who it is.." "'Well judging by the fact that there's no actual door in between us I'm pretty sure you can decide who it is' who?"

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what do you call a man that just got brutally murdered? i don't know, check his birth certificate.

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A man walked into a bar. He did this because he was blind and could not see the obstacle in his path.

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How many Jews does it take to screw in a lightbulb. Two. But it would have to be a very big lightbulb to fit both of them in there.

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how much is a microwave full of dead babies? a fridge full of dead puppies.

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What is a man with no arms and no legs on a pile of leaves? A quadriplegic who enjoys the fall.

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What did the boy with no arms or legs get for Christmas? A bike with no handle bars or pedals.

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What's worse than banning guns? Very few things

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What's worse than 1000 babies stapled to one tree? 1 baby stapled to 1000 tress.

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Q: "What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?" A: Dr. Dre

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Patient: Doctor, I was cleaning my glass eye and accidentally swallowed it. Doctor: OK. Lean over and spread your legs. Patient: (Leans over and spreads his legs). Doctor: My God! This is the first time, in all my years of practice, that I've ever seen an asshole looking back at me!

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Did you know every 46 seconds somebody commits suicide Thumbs up for pancakes!

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helen keller's dad put a plunger in the toilet and left it there. helen then went to use the bathroom....

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Why did the lion go to the doctor? He was hungry for man flesh. -John R-

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why do people just recycle the same jokes over and over are you that desperate for some f*cking attention? The Holocaust

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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