- Anti Joke

What did the compliemantry peanuts say to the man? "Nice tie."

What do you call a man that goes to work every day to provide for his family? A spoon

Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, I have Alzheimers, Hey i just met you.

You wanna hear a JOKE ?!! Justin Bieber has a DlCK !!!

"Hello?" "Is your refrigerator running??" "Yes..." "Oh. Well then have a nice day."

There were once two horses names Bill and Ed who lived on a farm. Every day Bill and Ed would race from the old barn past the broken tractor to the tall oak tree. Bill was very fast, but Ed always beat Bill. After many months, Bill was fed up. "I've had it with you!" he shouted to Ed. "I won't race with you anymore." Ed was very sad. He liked racing very much. The next day, Ed asked Bill, "Hey Bill, come race with me to the tall oak tree!" But Bill said, "No, you'll just beat me. I won't race with you." Ed thought for a moment, then said, "Fine, I'll let you start 5 meters in front of me." Bill pondered the proposition. Finally, he agreed. They started at the old barn, with Bill 5 meters in front of Ed. They both started running at the same time. As they passed the broken truck, Bill was happy to see that he was beating Ed. But at the last second, Ed sprinted forwards and beat Bill. "Ed!" shouted Bill, exasperated. "I can't believe you beat me! I'm never racing you again." But the next day, Ed asked Bill to race again. "This time, you can start 15 meters in front of me." Bill pondered the proposition, then finally agreed. 15 meters was a long way to catch up. They began to race. Bill was winning, but at the last second, Ed caught up and beat him. "Ed! I can't believe you beat me! I will never race you again," said Bill. But the next day, Ed asked Bill to race him again. "No way!" said Bill. "This time, I'll let you start at the broken truck," offered Ed. Bill thought for a moment. The truck was very close to the old oak tree, there was no way Ed could beat him. So he agreed. They began to race again. Bill was winning, but at the last second, Ed beat him again. "That's it!" shouted Bill. "I will never, ever race with you again!" But the next day Ed asked Bill again to race him. "This time, you can start 10 meters from the oak tree." Bill thought about it. There was no way Ed could beat him if he started 10 meters from the finish line. But his thoughts were interrupted by the dog running over. He said, "Bill! Don't race him, he will surely beat you!" Bill was silent for a moment. He looked at the dog, then to Ed. Then back to the dog. Then back to Ed. "Ed," he said perplexedly, "I didn't know dogs could talk too!"

What do you call a dog with no arms or legs? Doormat.

there are rumors about monkeys liking bananas but that is a common misconception because if you take bananas divided by elephant times chalkboards you find that they like 0.9 lead from pencils that is aged from 1927

Q: Why did the rich Wallstreet business man move into Harlem? A: Because sex offenders weren't welcome anywhere else.

whoa there

Why did Jane scared of the video about a clown dancing in the room? Because it was her room.

Why did the boy drop his Ice cream? A terrorist threw a refrigerator at him.

My Joke Is The Persons Below Me I I V

How did the chicken cross the road? Chickens live in farms, they don't cross roads.

why was the woman making a sandwich in the kitchen? because at the age of 3 she faced the hard reality of being nothing more in life then serving her husband to the day she die

A black man walks into a store and grabs something off of a shelf. He walks briskly towards the door and pauses, looking sneakily left and right to make sure nobody else is around. He also looks and sees that the security camera is not facing him. Seeing as nobody is watching him, he quickly turns towards the counter beside the door and pays for the item with his own debit card, knowing that nobody can see him enter his PIN.

Do the Helen Keller... become mute, deaf, and blind.

poop

Why couldn't the cat drink the milk? Because it had no face

What do you call 10,000 black men with their heads sticking out of the ground? Afro-turf

Why did the man have trouble breathing after meeting the President? He had a collapsed lung.

Why do the cangaroos are weird? cause they have testicles in front and penis back, is real!

What do you call a cannibal who won't eat his own brother? A pussy.

Q.Whats funny about death A.You die

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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