How do you fix America's national security issues? Nuke russia

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Knock Knock, Who's there? The Police. *No Answer* The police then give the S.W.A.T the signal, bust down the door, and kill 15 high profile targets issued by Liberia. The man who did not answer the door was Carlos Pedrouez, a serial killer, meth addict who has been apart of the Arizona sex slave trade for over a decade. The world can now sleep softly. The door was also red.

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How do you punish Helen Keller? By grounding her.

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I still remember the last words my grandpa said to me before he kicked the bucket. He said, "Hey. how far do you think I can kick this bucket."

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How many times have I told you not to do that? Fourteen.

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Why the girl fell from the swing? cause she had no arms

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A catholic priest held a puppet show at a kindergarten. The children were a very polite audience and the event was considered a great success.

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what happened to the man with no arms or legs when he was pushed down a hill? nobody knows he is still going ........................................................................

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What happened to the blonde who walked up to the vending machine? She got a snack and went on with her day.

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So a black man hails a taxi...

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Women.

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2 men shot up a morgue, 16 bodies remain dead

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? "Poker Face"

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Why couldn't Larry walk his dog? Larry doesn't have a dog.

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what do you call a man that just got brutally murdered? i don't know, check his birth certificate.

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Knock Knock Who's there its me... we need to talk go away tod. i told you never to come back here babe, just open the door why? so you can beat me again? i said i was sorry! i just want to see my little girl... well maybe you should of been there for us! babe... i love you you lying son of a bitch... you dont deserve us open the damn door or i will beat it down im calling the cops YOU BETTER NOT BITCH! I WILL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU! tod... please... get out come here no... NO! get the hell off of me!!!! HELP!! RAPE!! RAPE!!! SHUT UP WHORE (crying) please... please... ...mommy? SARAH! GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! MOMMY LOVES YOU! ooh.. theres my little girl. you miss daddy? GET AWAY FROM HER!!! SHUT UP BITCH! come give daddy a hug what have you done to mommy? what you want some too? SARAH I SAID GET OUT THE HOUSE! GET HELP! ...mommy im scared... (sob) oh your crying? you want something to cry about? OH ILL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT! .... you better get the hell out of here tod.. whoah... babe where did you get a gun GET OUT babe... put the gun down... relax NO YOU RELAX! all these years ive been raising this baby. without you. all by myself. and i dont want you in the picture now. ILL DO WHAT I DAMN WELL PLEASE ill see you in hell... (BANG) (BANG)

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"Knock knock." "Who's there?" "Well judging by the fact that there's no actual door in between us I'm pretty sure you can decide who it is.." "'Well judging by the fact that there's no actual door in between us I'm pretty sure you can decide who it is' who?"

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What's the difference between a catholic priest and acne? Acne waits until the boys hit puberty before coming on their face.

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How many Jews does it take to screw in a lightbulb. Two. But it would have to be a very big lightbulb to fit both of them in there.

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how much is a microwave full of dead babies? a fridge full of dead puppies.

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What is a man with no arms and no legs on a pile of leaves? A quadriplegic who enjoys the fall.

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What did the boy with no arms or legs get for Christmas? A bike with no handle bars or pedals.

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What's worse than banning guns? Very few things

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What's worse than 1000 babies stapled to one tree? 1 baby stapled to 1000 tress.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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