What did the baby say to its mother after breastfeeding? Nothing

thumb_up thumb_down +40

A teacher notices one of her students clutching a cat. She asks him why. The boy, tearfully, explains that he heard his father tell his mother that he was going to eat her pussy when the kids left for school. The teacher laughs and, the class being 10-11 years old thereby at an age approaching biological curiosity, decides to mix this in with a sex education video she was planning on showing them a few weeks later. She then phones the boy's parents who come to collect the cat while reassuring the boy that it is in no danger. The cat was popular with the boy's classmates and they would often go to visit him as a result. Many years later, just after the boy started attending university, the cat was put to sleep at the age of 13 due to liver cancer. The boy placed a Facebook post in honour of his feline friend, which was spotted by a former classmate of his in a routine search who happened to be attending the same university. They ended up reacquainting and beginning a sexual relationship, which was how the boy lost his virginity and eventually blossomed into a 37-year marriage resulting in three children.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

What's the square root of 69? 8.3

thumb_up thumb_down +38

How do you make a builder sad? You shit on his bricks.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Knock knock Who's there A drummer A drummer who I'm not knocking on your door

thumb_up thumb_down +38

i hate it when Voldemort showers in my nutella

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Why did the old man order the little girl into the car? Because he was her grandfather.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

whats the difference between 100 dead babies and a ferrari? the ferrari is not in my garage.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

What is the square root of 69? 8.30662386

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Jimmy went to a bar, to see a stand up comedian, he heard the standup comedian tell a funny joke, so after the show, he went home and told his wife the joke and after that he said, i made that up, im funny arent i, the wife seemed shifty, so she googled the joke and found the stand up comedians joke, giggled and then proceeded to continue back angrily to Jimmy, because he just did the wrong thing, she slapped Jimmy in the face, divorced Jimmy and killed his 3 children because Jimmy plagurised, and plagurism is illegal, and now Jimmy has no children, and a red mark on his cheek and knows he did the wrong thing don't smoke kids

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Q.whats the worlds funniest joke???? A.not this one this ones crap

thumb_up thumb_down +36

You know whats retarted? people with down syndrome.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Why did the blonde kill herself? She was diagnosed with major depression and was dealing with a lot of traumatic events in her life.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

What do you call a dead baby lying in the road? A Tragedy

thumb_up thumb_down +36

What did the cab driver say to the duck who wanted a ride in the cab? Get out of the cab.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

what happens during a climax apples

thumb_up thumb_down +36

A: ask me if I'm a truck. B: why? A: just ask me. B: are you a truck? A: no.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

friends are like potatoes you eat them they die

thumb_up thumb_down +34

How did the blonde girl get pregnant? Her boyfriend used a condom left in his pants and then was washed. Making it defective and causing her her to become pregnant.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

How is butter and your mom similar? They both consist of much fat.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

How do you feed a mockingbird? Give it some food.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Q: What is the difference between everything and nothing? A: everything! Moral: NOTHING!

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Why did the boy miss the school bus? He died in his sleep

thumb_up thumb_down +32

What happened when the lawyer pissed all over the judge? He was thrown off the case, causing him to go home, rape his wife, and put a bullet into his child's head.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops