What did the stuffed animal say to the human after the human said hi? Nothing, after all stuffed animals can't talk

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"Hell nahhh I called shotgun" -Rosa Parks

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A man walks into a bar. He is then taken to the hospital for his concussion, seeing as the bar was made of metal

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A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

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Two women are sitting quietly in a corner, minding their own business.

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What happens when you ask a blind guy to drive you somewhere? What happens if you ask a blind guy to drive? You will end up in a four way accident with 8 people dead 2 of which children and 1 baby. You might survive but the blind guy won't so you will have to go to court for him on the issue. You realize that you are terrible when it comes to the law and you get yourself thrown in jail for 2 years. When you get out you are so tired of getting butt raped that you go out and do it to someone else. Then you go back to jail an the process repeats it's self because this is the American justice system. We could work on it a little bit. But yeah, don't ask a blind guy to drive, your butt will thank you.

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What did the boy do when he was bored and broke? He took to the streets selling illicit drugs such as cocaine. Although dangerous, the rush from said danger solved his boredom problem. On top of this, there is a huge market for such substances and he was not broke for much longer.

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What did the guy who walked into a bar say? Ouch

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It died.

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what did the jaguar and the girl have in common? Spots, the girl had the chicken pox

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roses are red, violets are red, my garden is on fire

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What's more addicting than a good book? Meth

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What's chris benoit doing? Just hangin in the gym

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead

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how do you wake up lady gaga? scream in her ear.

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What do you call 6 dead people on your front lawn? A mass murder

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Q: Whats better than getting raped by a dog? A: Getting raped by a cat.

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A- Knock Knock B- Who's there? A- Soccer!

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roses are red violets are blue count my five damn finger , and the third one is for you!!!!!!!!

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whats worst than the holocaust? the holocaust times 2

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wheres a place a cancer patient cant go? the hairdressers

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Wanna hear a funny joke? Yes.

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a black man a chinese man and a mexican man are all on a plane. they land safely and continue with their lives.

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What did the Asian man do when he got lost in the desert? He ate his arms.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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