Why did the chicken cross the road? There was a wild dog on the other side, so he crossed the road to avoid potential danger.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

My butt!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +37

What makes Stephen Hawking such a lame scientist??? A: he has a disabling disease. It's called ALS.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

How do you make a builder sad? You shit on his bricks.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

What do you call a group of white guys playing basketball in Philadelphia? Actually, that already seems like a pretty good summary of the situation.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

How come Pluto and Goofy are both dogs, but Goofy can talk and Pluto can't? Goofy sold Pluto into slavery in exchange for the power of human speech.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff? Because after twenty long years of monotonous nagging, he finally snapped.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Q:What did the ginger get for Christmas? A: A soul...jk,hair dye

thumb_up thumb_down +35

What did the white man say to the muslim? Hi

thumb_up thumb_down +35

What do you call a black priest? Religious.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

How do you determine the population of mexico? Send out a census every 4 years.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

What kind of coins to you find at the bottom of the ocean? Wet coins.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

what did the turkey say on thanks giving? Nothing, he's dead, we ate him!

thumb_up thumb_down +35

What's another word for a priest? Rapist

thumb_up thumb_down +33

How is butter and your mom similar? They both consist of much fat.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

how long does it take for a black woman to poop? women dont poop, especially not halle berry

thumb_up thumb_down +33

One day Satan, approached his dad and said: DADDY I love you so much, I want to be just like you! That story did not end up so well did it?

thumb_up thumb_down +33

why do elephants drink so much? to try to forget.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Why does it matter, they can't chuck wood in the first place.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Why did the chicken cross the road? Thats where the slaughterhouse is.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Whats brown and smells like shit? Shit.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Chuck Norris once went skydiving. his parachute did not deploy. where he landed is now known as the grand canyon

thumb_up thumb_down +31

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops