Two nuns walk into a bar. There is a monkey between them, that they are both holding hands with. The bartender looks to them, and says "Hello sisters, I am sorry, but we do not allow wild animals into the bar. He's gonna have to wait outside," to which one of the nuns responds, "Oh, do not worry, this is no monkey, this is one of our sisters." The bartender is very confused. He chuckles, and says "Alright, well then your sister is going to have to wait outside." The sisters look at each other confusedly, but take the monkey outside, put it on a leash, and tie it to a pole. They proceed back inside, have a few drinks, and leave. The next night, the bar is a little more crowded. The bartender looks up and sees the two nuns entering. He checks to make sure there is no monkey with them, and there is not, so he goes back to serving drinks. A few minutes later, the two nuns are at the front of the bar ready to order drinks. The bartender smiles at them, "No monkey this time?" he asks. "Not tonight," says one of the nuns. "Alright," says the bartender, "what can I get you?" "I'll take a double bourbon," says one of the nuns. "I'll have a gin and tonic, and she'll have the same" says the other nun, motioning to a rhinoceros on her left. "What the fuck!!" yells the bartender. "How did you get this inside?! Where did you even get a rhinoceros?" He realizes these questions are unimportant, and runs to call animal control. By the time he turns around, however, the rhinoceros is gone. He goes to talk to the bouncer. "Dude, why do you keep letting in wild animals?" asks the bartender. "The hell are you talking about?" asks the bouncer. "Last night, two nuns walked in with a monkey, and tonight they somehow got a rhino past you. You didn't see that??" the bartender snaps. "Three nuns came in last night, and three came in tonight. No monkey, no rhino," the bouncer tells him. Meanwhile, as they walked home to the convent, one of the nuns says "Man, I haven't been drunk in weeks." One of the other nuns turns to her and says, "Well, maybe you should stop turning into an animal every time we get into a bar."

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Curiosity killed the cat! No, the tire of a vehicle did.

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Where does Frosty the Snowman keep his money? He doesn't keep it. His lifespan is too short to make significant compound intrest.

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Why is 6 afraid of 7? It's not. Numbers are not living organisms and thus are incapable of experiencing emotion.

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hey.

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My mom just died....

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How do you make a homeless man cry? you throw away his trash.

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Knock Knock Whose there? Get out of the bathroom Get out of the bathroom who? No, your in the bathroom

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, You have AIDS, I'm very sorry

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Child birth. So easy women can do it.

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What do you call Justin Beiber having sex with a woman? Gay

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Q. What's the difference between a movie star and a manikin? A. Nothing.

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Ian is cutie!!!!!;)

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How many licks does it take to got to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop? 357

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Chuck Norris. I'm Done. That's my joke.

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Like this joke

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i yoused to cry a little when i laughed . then i got raped by a clown.

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Why did Jimmy fail his math test? Because he had a mental disability

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Why was Bill in jail? He stabbed 17 black people because they didn't deserve welfare checks.

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Q: Whats the difference between a Chicken and Your Mom? A: I dont eat the chicken

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What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter what you call it because it isn't coming.

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i would like to know if the rumors about the moon being made out of chees is true because nobody told me it was CC

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why did the stupid blonde run straight into oncoming traffic? because there was a small child there that could have been seriously injured.

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Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because she is dead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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