Dont be silly, you know that everything is relative, and that relativity is as unlimited as the subconscious mind, give me ten more minutes, and I can hypnotize you in five minutes in order to see life in slow motion yourself for as long as you feel like. Just dont expect your body to adjust like mine, meaning that if you try to run, your brain will use its old habits while your perception is used to the slow ones... In other words, you will end up on the floor or smacking into a wall.

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What did the Irisman say to the bartender? Don't know? i don't speak Irish?

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Knock Knock Who's there Bannana O He lives next door

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We're out of mustard, so in your sandwich I used some yellow liquid dripping from a dying rhinoceros.

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i had a bowl of soup and it was 5 inches in diameter and 3 inches tall. how much soup did i eat? very little because i drank most of it

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Kah-________-

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It's long!

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So a man was walking down the street with bananas in his ears when he saw one of his friends coming the other way. When they met up the one friend asked, "Hey you know you've got bananas in your ears?" To which the man replied "What? I can't hear you, I have bananas in my ears."

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Q: What's the deal with air line food? A: An airline meal or in-flight meal is a meal served to passengers on board a commercial airliner. These meals are prepared by airline catering services. The first kitchens preparing meals in-flight were established by United Airlines in 1936. These meals vary widely in quality and quantity across different airline companies and classes of travel. They range from a simple beverage in short-haul economy class to a seven-course gourmet meal in long-haul first class.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun, Get in the car.

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The battle of Troy lasted approximatley nine years.

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What's blue and pillowy? A blue pillow

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How do racist jokes start? Generally with a racially insensitive stereotype.

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Kerry Katona becomes independent.

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Why was Sally a bad driver? Because she rarely signals and never checked her blind spots.

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Steven Hawking walks into a bar. This of course is impossible, as his ailments prevent him from walking.

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How many ears does Chuck Norris have? Two.

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A: Knock knock knock B: "Who's there?" A: Knock knock knock B: "Who's there!?" A: Knock knock knock B: "God dammit who's there!?" A: "Penny?"

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a tomato

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What happened when the roof fell on a young boy? Nothing. He was an orphan.

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What was the doctor's shirt made out of? Cotton

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What's worse than rush hour traffic? Your childhood friend, Ricky, was just brutally killed by a street cleaner

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Your mom is so fat the only time she saw 90210 was on a scale.

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Electronic Arts is a respectable company.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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