Come over here boy and have a cigar, you're gonna go far. Congratulations on being the first human cannonball, please use the cigar to light the fuse. Happy landings.

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A black man accidentally walks into a white man. They apologize to each other and carry on with the rest of their day.

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Billy: Mom.... Dad, I have decided that I want to live on my own. Parents: Great son! We're so proud of you! Billy: Thanks for your support! Your luggage is outside by the taxi.

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my girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile, thats a big word for a 3 year old

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did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and left leg? hes all right now

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What did the Englishman say to the Irishman? "I am from England"

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... and so the rabbi says "Don't worry. It was a kosher pickle anyway."

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What did the dog say to the dildo? Your rubber

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Doctor- Mr. Smith I have some bad news for you. Mr. Smith- Just tell it to me straight. How long have I got? Doctor- Not long. Mr. Smith- OK.

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Okay chan, you can have it then, I am tired.

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how do you kill an African baby ? put it in the microwave for roughly 45 minutes

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"Up to 50% off."

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What did the bird say to the squirrel? Chirp

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A zombie walks into a bar. It was shot by an M16 automatic rifle. The video game had zombies.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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What's the difference between me and a ghost? Ghosts aren't Dolphins!

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Why was the black man hanged? He was charged with piracy in the 1500s..

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What happens when you push an asian in a hole? He falls in

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What is funnier than dead babies? Dead babies aren't funny, Carlos Mencia and Tom Bergeron are funny.

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What is green and red all over? The Hulk's Penis in a blender

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How do you keep children off your lawn? Molest them

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My mom.

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There was an old man from Limerick. He was of scottish ancestry and nearing his 76th birthday.

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You know what they say about men with large feet? Large shoes.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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