roses is red violet is blue i will smack you

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Why did the dog bark? Who knows, dogs bark for many reasons unknown to humans.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

A man with tourettes walks into a bar, due to his disease he shouts unexpected profanities across the room; everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the pressure anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom and pulls out a gun and points it at his head. HIs wife of 15 years walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to conceive. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man diagnosed with touretts then goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. After he killed everybody he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentanced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man with touretts still cannot control his ticks and rots in jail everyday screaming obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

1,2 Freddy's Coming For You 3'4 Better Lock Your Doors 5'6 Grab Your Crucifix 7'8 Stay Up Late 9'10 Never Sleep Again Bonus 11'12 He's Gonna See You In Hell

thumb_up thumb_down +33

How many Grand Jurists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Depends on if it was a cop that snuffed out the light bulb.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

What's worse than 20 babies stapled to one tree? Getting life imprisonment after...

thumb_up thumb_down +33

What do you call a man that likes fishsticks? His name

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What do you call a tree with all of it's branches down? A tree with all of it's branches down.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Why did the chicken cross the road? it didn't it was being sexually abused by its father.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Why do you never hit a black man with your car? Because that's vehicular homicide.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Have you seen Stevie Wonders new house. No. Neither has he

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What's the difference between a white person and a chair? -The chair isn't a complete douche.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What did the priest say to the nun? ... I don't know, I wasn't there.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What did Santa Claus get for Christmas? Non-believers.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

why did the baby cross the road? i stapled his head to a chicken!

thumb_up thumb_down +31

A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear, The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf." (props- Marty Smith)

thumb_up thumb_down +31

If John has 32 candy bars and he eats 28, whAt does he have? Diabetes. John has diabetes.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

What has 5 legs, 4 eyes, and 8 stomachs? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

I always tell people " I have the heart of a child! " Then I continue "It's in a jar on my desk"

thumb_up thumb_down +29

What's worse than a School Bus accident? The Holocaust.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

i hate it when Voldemort showers in my nutella

thumb_up thumb_down +29

What is the main contrast about different banks? None, they all take your money!

thumb_up thumb_down +27

what is the difference between a black person and a picnic bench? A picnic bench can support a family.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Scientist 1: "What's your research paper about?" Scientist 2: "Homosexuality in fruit bats." Scientists 3, 4 & 5: "AHAHAHAHA LOL WUT"

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops