Roses are red Violets are blue I have Alzheimers Who are you?

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What do you call putting a toad in the microwave? Animal cruelty.

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What's the Capitol of Washington dc? W

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What did Tarzan say when the monkeys came over the hill? Hey look, the monkeys are coming over the hill.

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Jack and Jill climbed up the hill .... and fetched a pail of water.

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Q- Why was Dan mourning the death of his wife? A- He wasn't he was mourning the death of his daughter who was killed in the same car crash as her mother.

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Knock Knock Who's there? The police, your wife just died

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I saw a man with a hungry look in his eye, like the kind you get from not eating for a while

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Roses are green Violets are yellow Those are the wrong colors oh well who gives a shit.

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Whats worse than a paper cut? AIDS.

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Why was the man so unhappy. he died

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Whats better than the holocaust. Darfur

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Q: Why did the boy cross the road? A: Because he was being chased by a pedophile.

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Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven had a raging hard-on and was leering at him.

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Waiter! What's this fly doing in my soup? He's not doing anything, sir. He's dead.

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A mushroom walks into a crowded bar, the bartender says "we don't serve your kind here." Protestingly, the mushroom replies, "why not? I am a spore reproducing eukaryote!" Everyone stares as an awkward silence ensues.

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"Knock Knock" "Who's there?" "Jeff" "Jeff who?" "Jeff Johnson" "From the office?" "No I work at the dehli" "The one on 6th avenue?" "No, the one on Park." "What do you want?" "Could you open the door?" "No, I don't know you" "Isn't this Mr. Walter's house?" "No, my name is Roger Stevens" "I'm sorry I must be at the wrong house" "What address are you looking for?" "15322 N Gary street" "This is 15323 N Gary" "Oh I'm sorry" "Try knocking across the street" "Thank you"

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is mayonnaise an instrument?

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What's the difference between a duck and a goose? They are obviously different species but they both have wings and are birds and are actually pretty similar. Geese are usually bigger though I guess.

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How many dead babies can fit in a bathtub. Twelve. A previous joke said seventeen, that person had their facts wrong. I know from experience

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what did Johnny get for Halloween. ebola

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why couldnt helen keller drive? because shes a woman.

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Q: Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? A: Because she is a woman.

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A man waltzes into a bar, waving a carrot in the air. With an arrogant air of self-importance he flops onto a highchair at the bar. Looka here, looka here, he says to the bartender, waiving the carrot at the man. Will you buy me drinks all night, if I can make this carrot... Never mind, and please leave my bar, the bartender says, pulling out a carrot from under the counter. I've got one myself.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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