Two strangers are sitting at a bar having a drink. One is a young, fat, red-headed guy named Fred. The other is an elderly grey-haired man. After a while, Fred turns to the old man and awkwardly asks: "Excuse me sir would ya' mind givin me some advice? There's this girl who has sat next to me on the bus every morning for the past three months. She's the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She always smiles and winks at me. I wannna ask her on a date but every time I go to do it I freeze. I just don't know what to say. I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm falling for this girl and I don't know what in the world to do. Any tips?" The old man continues to sit quietly, slowly sipping his drink. After a while the old man looks at Fred. "Hmmm" says the old man, as he thinks over Fred's question. "What is your name son?" He asks Fred. "It's Fred sir," replies Fred. "Hmmm," the old man says again as he continues to think over Fred's question. The old man then stands up, takes out a gun, and shoots Fred in the face. Fred never saw it coming.

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What's worse than getting a detention? Slavery...just kidding that was a good thing!

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Your momma's so fat she has fat rolls on her stomach.

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Why did the plane crash? I don't know. I wasn't on the plane. Its likely, based on the damage, that everyone on board died and therefore couldn't tell you either.

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Wanna hear a joke womens rights

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Religion

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Why do Squirrels accidentally plant millions of trees. Because they they bury their nuts and forget where they are.

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Nero, please pick up the phone, I wont ever do that, it was a mistake okay? Stop that, my sister wont ever! My mom whatever! But if you lie a finger on my sister, I will kill you, I am at the outside, which room are you at? Tell me you coward fucker! Tell me!

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? No. Well neither has he.

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Why was the man arrested? He had brutally stabbed 398 people in a 10 hour period.

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Milk, milk, lemonade, around the corner fudge is made. This market has a very dynamic and fresh selection.

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Your mom is so dumb that she doesn't get this joke

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A man comes home early from work to find that his wife is in bed with another man, startled by his presence the wife quickly utters 'it's not what it looks like", the husband however, disregards this comment and later files for a divorce

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Immediately following his inauguration, Bush called Obama into the oval office for a private meeting and some words of advice. Bush and Obama shook hands as gentlemen do and then Bush asked if Obama wanted to hear a joke. Obama eagerly said yes, "Good..." Bush said, handing Obama a battered copy of the United States Constitution, "...the joke is in your hands", and with that Bush turned and left.

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Knock Knock. Who the hells there? Nevermind.

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a horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "why the long face?" and the horse says "my wife has terminal cancer.

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WTF BOOOOOM

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What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a truck? You drive a truck, Michael Jackson has anal sex with little boys.

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Your moms so fat, she's not skinny

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Awesome! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> minecraftnow.us <

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hot diggity dog

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i dislike sack in my mouth

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Are you from Nebraska? 'Cuz you're the only ten i see.

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Your momma's so fat that when she uses a hoolahoop, she gets tired after one try and has to stop.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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