What time is it when an elephant sits on your car? 12:00

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How do you know a man is Jewish? Because he told you or you met him in a synagogue.

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what do you call a sock that is no longer white a dirty sock

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Whats red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.

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Q: is this the krusty krab? A: No this is patrick!

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What do you call a lawyer who came from the ghetto? Someone who did quite well for themselves despite coming from a tough area.

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whats stupid and likes dumb jokes? you.

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so he says "aaahhh". then i threw a fridge at him

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How do you torture Helen Keller? Leave the plunger in her toilet with the handle greased.

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knock knock, who's there? you goodbye

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*Knock Knock* Who's there? Nobody. Go make some friends.

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You hear about that old man that died on the news? It was my grandfather... oh...

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A boy watches as a firefighter saves a little girl from a fire and looks at his mom saying "I want to be a firefighter when i grow up mommy" The mom looks down and replies "Silly kid you're not gunna grow up you have leukemia."

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Why couldn't Roger become an astronaut? Because Roger's a toaster.

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Why did the bird fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? Because he was stapled to the bird

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How do you kill a fly? Shoot it

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there are 4 men in a bar talking about how well their sons are doing with their lives. But one man goes to the toilet. So the first man says 'my son is doing really well he is the head of a airline company and for christmas he got his bestfriend a plane.' The second man says' My son is doing really well he has his own car brand and for christmas he got his bestfriend a brand new car.' The third man says' Well my son is doing really well, He owns his own housing estate business and for christmas he bought his best friend a 250'000 sq foot mansion. The fourth man comes out of the toilet and all the three men say ' We are talking about how our sons are doing in their lives so what about yours.' The fourth man goes' well my son is gay but its not that bad because for christmas his three boyfriends got him a new plane, a new car and a 250'000 sq foot mansion.'

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Why did the kid get athsma? Genetics.

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Why did the boy drop his ice cream cone? He got hit by a bus.

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What do you call a Colombian who sells drugs? A pharmacist.

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An Irishman walks into a bar. He quickly exits as he thought it was the Polish restaurant located directly nextdoor. He then enters the Polish restaurant and orders a delicious lunch. He tips his waiter 20%.

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What did they farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where is my tractor?

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Microsoft Windows

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DIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDIEDIEDIEIDEIDIEIDEIIDIE DIE all of you Hahahaha

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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