A man comes home from the office, walks inside and hangs up his coat and hat at the door. He walks into the kitchen to find his wife has not made dinner instead she is drinking with friends, she tells him that she would have made dinner but she didnt want to. Furious, the man storms to the door, grabs his coat and leaves... He gets in his car and drives down to the pub. Sitting there drinking his beer, trying to calm down he finds a peice of paper tucked into his coat pocket, he unfolds it and reads it. It turns out to be a memo he wrote to remind himself at work that day.

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Chuck Norris' farts are silent and deadly. Deadly because he's Chuck Norris, silent because his butthole is extremely loose

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What noise does a dead dog make ? Nothing its dead

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your face!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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your moms so fat... she ways like 300 pounds.

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What do you call a lady that cleans? A cleaning lady.

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what's funnier than hell? heaven

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What did Mambo say to Jumbo? Nothing. Because they weren't friends.

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What's white and very boney? A bone

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How do you kill a blue elephant? How? With a blue elephant gun. How do you kill a pink elephant? How? You hold it's nose until it turns blue, then you shoot it with a blue elephant gun. How do you kill a orange elephant? How? You can't, they don't exist. How do you kill a white elephant? How? You tickle it till it turns pink, then you hold it's noose until it turns blue, then you shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

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Knock Knock Who's There Gary Oh hi Gary, come in

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what has two legs and bleeds? half a dog

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What's the difference between a women's running team and a band of pygmies? Quite a lot.

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Knock knock. Who's there? You're adopted.

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A priest, a rabbi, and an atheist walk into a bar. They sit down and have a calm discussion about the differences in their beliefs.

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What is worse than being ran over by a bus? Nothing really.

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Women

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What did the boy do when he got locked out his house go on anti joke and make a stupid joke about him being locked out

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A man goes to lie down on a couch. His wife walks by and sees him, and asks, "what are you doing?" to which he replies, "lying down"

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Yo mama is so fat that: it is ruining her self esteem and she worries about her health.

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Q: what's black, white and red all over A: a penguin in a blender

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A person walked into a bar, he saw it was the wrong bar so he leaves...

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A horse walks into a bar, the bar tender says: why the long face? Horse: I have cancer

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What's worse than biting into an apple and finding half a worm? Biting into an apple and slicing your mouth on a razorblade

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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