How do you get a guitar player to play softer? Ask them politely to turn down their volume.

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how do you stop a speeding car? Put your foot on the brake

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What did Abe Lincoln say before he gave the Gettysburg Address? No one knows, its not documented.

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Wow, thats warming to the core Nero, you are really sweet when you want to, I was having a lot more than second thoughts, I mean I do not mind the thought of sex with you really and I mean that, but losing who I already consider my best friend would just be sad. So uh, sex once huh? I mean, one more feather on the uh, hat thing, is that what this is about to you?

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why couldn't the blonde change the light bulb? because he chose the wrong sized screwdriver from his tool box

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What happens when you are caught in the serious offense of killing somebody with intent? You get in trouble.

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planking.

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What was the hardest part about the orphanage burning down? My cock.

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Brittney Spears

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Why did the man drop his glasses? His hand was sweaty.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

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A Jew walks into a bar. He sits down for about half an hour, enjoys some drinks and calls a taxi to take him home.

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Man I'm Bored Nice to meet you.

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What happens if Pinoccio says my nose is about to grow?

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What do you call someone who states the obvious? Someone who states the obvious.

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Not at all, I find your perception of things like that quite pleasing, you obviously care about me, and care about your wife, that's nice.

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robin, get in the car.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he died...

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Why did the cow puke up his grass? Because it is necessary so that the cow can re-chew his food to aid with the digestion.

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Why did the man walk into a bar? I don't know? Ask him. by Burflared

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Two Jewish men walk into a butcher shop. They don't buy any pork because that is a fundamental dietary restriction placed upon by their religion.

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What's wrong with your hand!!!!!???? nothing.

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What do you call cheese that's not yours? Someone else's cheese.

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How can you tell if your wife is dead? She no longer has a pulse.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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