How do you tell if a politician is lying? You make him take a polygraph test.

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Yo mamma is so fat, when Dracula bit her, he got type 2 diabetes.

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why did the boy hug a very dislexic man it was his brother

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Boobs are nasty!

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Sarah Palin is President

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i felt like burning some calories so i lit a fat kid on fire

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Three men are on a plane*. (*Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees a woman hysterically laughing. Intrigued, he inquires her jolly. She manages to state through her hysteria, "When me fart, me whole house blow up!"

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What couldn't Little Timmy see the pirate movie? Because Little Timmy was blind.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. Onions stink. And so do you.

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What do you call a black man driving a police car? Officer

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Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Have you seen the size of their fingers!?!?!

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Why did the little girl selling lemon aid die? Someone drove by and threw a fridge at her

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A bar walks into a bar, it is then you realize you are in an alternate dimension.

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Why did Billy get a 102% on his Algebra test? He got all of the questions correct including the bonus question. Oh, and he slept with the teacher.

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What time is it when an elephant sits on your car? 12:00

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69

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What do you call 2 midgets and a pencil rolling down a hill? Satan

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Why did the chicken cross the street? It didn't. It got hit by a car.

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Why couldn't Larry walk his dog? Larry doesn't have a dog.

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How do you get a movie star to go out with you? Blackmail.

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs sitting on your couch? My brother.

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The Holocaust

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What did the polar bear say to the penguin? Nothing. They don't live on the same continent.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a black person? Black people are good at running.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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