Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A: Because he was dead.

whats blue and fluffy? BLUE FLUFF

What did the husband tell his obese wife? I love you honey

How does a black guy call to another black guy in Africa? using a telephone

Q:How do you turn off a Jewish Lamp? A: You press the Auschwitz.

Why was jimmy crying? He had a frog stapled to his face

How do black people gain access to houses? Through the front door.

This is'nt a joke but like if it pisses you off when people comment on there own joke pretending to be someone else.

What s faster than a black guy with a TV? His brother with a VCR.

A Russian gentleman walks into a bar and requests a vodka which the bartender promptly supplies. Shortly thereafter a Turkish gentleman enters escorting a Llama on a leash and requests a vodka to which the bartender responds: "Your animal is not allowed on the premise, I am going to have to ask you to leave." The Turkish gentleman apologizes for his ignorance of the local customs and excuses himself, and shortly thereafter the Russian finishes his Vodka, pays, and leaves as well.

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"What starts with F and ends with a K?" "firetruck?" "no, f u c k"

Q:What did the policemen say to the other policemen? A:Safe

Go figure, you seemed pretty fucking scared of me back then. "autocast" hypnotic priming, anchors, you know what that is right? You for (as an example) clap your hands whenever you succeed at hypnotizing yourself while staying awake in a lucid state, then you repeat it until you one day just clap, your body remembers the whole sequence and boom it works right away. You did not think that PaulMcKenna could just touch people and have them do what he wants without even telling them what to do right? Especially not McKenna, I learned a lot from Richard Bandler, absolutely nothing from Anthony Robbins, everything I could ever want from Igor Ledochowsky, and absolutely nothing from PaulMcKenna, I went to him last, I should have skipped Both Robbins and Kenna, they use NLP and... Basically call it hypnosis.

What did the black man say to the other black man? Nothing, he was recently involved in a terrible car accident which he barely survived but lost the function of speech and was paralysed from the neck downwards. He is constantly in pain and desperately wants someone to kill him but has no way of communicating this so is forced to wait until his natural death.

What did Steven Hawking say to God after he died? Nothing. He can't talk.

how many jews can you fit in a honda civic 1 in the driver seat, 1 in the passenger seat and 3 in the back properly fixed with safety belts.

How do you get a movie star to go out with you? Blackmail.

womens rights!

Why did the unicorn cross the road? i dont know. unicorns arent real

Whats black and has a large penis? A dog with large genitalia.

What happens when you mix 3 pounds of baking soda, 2 dozen cans of Mr. Pibb cola, and a live tortoise? It makes a terrible mess and your wife gets upset at you for getting the house so dirty. She refuses to clean it up.

Hey I just met you And this is crazy I have Alzheimer's Hey I just met you

Why did the chicken cross the road? Loss of habitat.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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