Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

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There is a penguin at the bakery: i want 2 loaves said the baker white or brown bread says the penguin does not matter I'm a moped

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Guess what? Chicken butt? Poultry gluteus maximus!

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What did the goat say to the dolphin dogs don't lay eggs

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Why was the hamster not on his wheel? Because he had a stroke.

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http://www.ladsta.com

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What's the best thing about having sex with twenty one year olds? The orgasm.

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Why was the kid underwater? He hit a rock.

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Why did the fireman wear red suspenders? Because they were part of his uniform.

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-Hey, Larry! How much is one plus one? -Two

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What's black and white and red all over? A cow being processed

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Bill: Knock, Knock. Sean: Who's there? Bill: It's your neighbor, Bill Walters, from across the street. Sean: Oh, hey Bill, how are you and Margie? Bill: Oh, I'm doing fine, but Margie just got out of the hospital for a broken arm. Sean: My gosh, what happened. Bill: She was just loading the Halloween decorations down from the attic while I wasn't home and fell. She's fine though; it was only a minor fracture. Sean: Well thank goodness she alright. Bill: Anyway, I came over to return those hedge clippers I borrowed from you last month. Sean: Oh, thank you. How did they work? Bill: Just great once I gave them a coat of oil. It was a big job... I haven't trimmed those bushes in three years. Sean: Yeah, these clippers have belonged to my grandfather, father, and me. Bill: Darn, thats quite amazing, I wish I could get a pair of those, but I doubt they still make them. Sean: I'm pretty confident they don't, but you can borrow these anytime. Bill: Thanks Sean thats very generous of you. Sean: No problem, I almost never use them myself. Well I better get back to Jeanie...I'm helping her make dinner. Bill: Alright, Well thanks again.

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Knock, knock. Who's there? Not the World Trade Center.

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What do you sit on, sleep on and brush your teeth with? A chair, a bed, and a toothbrush

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Bill is at a bar with a couple of his college buddies. He notices another one of his friends, Jim, who has his back faced to him, and calls him. The man turns and it is not Jim. Bill apologizes and they carry on with their lives.

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Knock knock. Hello dear. Come in.

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What was the worst part when 3 Mexican men fell off a cliff? They each were active in the community and had jobs.

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Why didn't Dave buy his wife a watch for her birthday? Because she already had one.

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What's meaty and has a poof? A meatball with a bubble.

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A straight man walks into a lesbian bar. He quickly realizes his mistake and leaves.

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"Knock Knock" "Who's There?" "Sara" "Come in, we will have a cup of coffee in the good company of each other."

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Why couldn't the prostitute count to 70? She grew up in a poor family and couldn't pay for a good education.

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Women Voting

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Poker Face.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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