Kid: Teacher, what do you hate more than supervising people in detention sessions at this school? Teacher: I am a vegan. Hence meat is relatively dispicable and I abhor it in general.

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Adam Sandler.

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i like my women like i like my coffee...big boobs

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Why did the women keep scratching her head? Because she had lice

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You: I have a really funny Knock Knock joke but you have to start it. Someone Else: Okay, Knock Knock You: Who's there? (now watch their face as they become confused)

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Q. WHAT IS SPECIAL ABOUT GEORGE BUSH? A. NOTHING

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Need homeless tips? Get A Job.

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What did Billy get his parents for Christmas? Billy's an orphan.

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What did David say to Goliath? Not sure, does anyone have a Bible?

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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Why did the little boy cry? His entire family was shot and killed at his elementary school play.

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What did the mushroom say to the pretty lady? Nothing, because it's a mushroom.

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The awkward moment when you notice its 2012 and we're all gonna die, so you buy and elephant and name him John.

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How do you confuse a blonde? Tell her an anti joke

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9/11

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Wanna hear a joke the WNBA

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"How come the week takes so long but the weekend goes by so fast" "Because there are five days in the week and two in the weekend"

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Why was my teacher depressed? Because she wanted to live in her pasta

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You're mom is so slutty, she has sex with many men.

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Which of the following is NOT true? A. The lemon is walking to a store. B. The store is walking to a lemon. C. The man is a lemon and a store. D. Peanuts are stuck in my anus

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What happened to the dying kangaroo? He died What animal is not in the lion king? Kangaroo --why? Because he died...

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What's the difference between a watermelon and a baby? A watermelon is edible.

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What did the mute child say to his parents for the first time? "My head hurts" Doctors later found he had hypertensitive heart disease and an aneurysm in his brain. He died later that month.

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What did one deer say to the other? Nothing. The second deer was killed while they were eating and now the first deer is scarred dot life.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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