A gay guy walks into a bar. Nothing is said to him, because homosexuality is accepted in this area.

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Niko isnt a mexican douche

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Two muffins are in an oven. Although they both possess the extraordinary ability to speak, strangely each remains silent, apparently lost in their own thoughts. Thus nobody has any reason to think they are any different than any other muffins. Later after they've been baked and allowed to cool, they are sold to a woman who eats them along with a small salad. She enjoys their chewy, hearty texture, and lightly sweet taste. She is completely unaware of what amazing discovery has just been lost to science.

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A very depressed man walks into a bar, sits down, and gives the bartender his credit card and says, "Keep giving me beers until I pass out." The bartender asks, "What's wrong Buddy? You can talk to me!" The depressed man explains that he was fired, his wife has been cheating on him for the past 2 years, both his daughters ran away and became prostitutes, his mother died after choking on his father's Genitals and the father had just been diagnosed with both brain and testicular cancer and will die within the week, his sister was kidnapped and sold into a sex slave market and has been missing for the past year, his brother confessed to being gay and committed suicide with his lover (male) after learning that their state did not accept gay marriage. He pauses to drink his beer, then continues on to say that he has been convicted of sexually assaulting a child even though he was innocent, his dog had just been run over by a tractor trailer with no physical body left to bury, his cat had gotten stuck in the garbage disposal and he turned it on without knowledge that the cat was sleeping inside. The man looks at the bartender and started to laugh and cry at his misfortune, he then said,"... And to top it all off i just spent the past 2 hours explaining this to a deaf bartender!" The man then went home and hung himself on the telephone pole outside his house. At the funeral only the bartender,who attended, spoke on his behalf, reciting the man's terrible life, then ending by saying, "This man death has motivated me to search for a cure to this rare Delusional Disorder."

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What happens when you mix 3 pounds of baking soda, 2 dozen cans of Mr. Pibb cola, and a live tortoise? It makes a terrible mess and your wife gets upset at you for getting the house so dirty. She refuses to clean it up.

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You are the third derivative of the position function.

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What's worse than the holocaust? The Russian Revolution

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Three tomatoes are walking down the street... No wait, they're in my salad.

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Military intelligence.

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Did you hear about the black guy who went to college? Neither have i

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What did Jerry Sandusky get for Christmas? Raped in jail.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive a car? Because she's dead.

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What what In the butt

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What do you call a diving-board factory worker threatening to jump off the roof? Names.

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I'm on the seafood diet. A large proportion of my daily food intake is fish.

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Why do redheads have red hair Because they were born like that.

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What did the black kid get for Christmas? A Derrick Rose jersey.

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Real jokes.

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What's green and eats rocks? A green rock-eater.

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how did the dinosaurs die? they got old

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What is the first step in making an ugly girl pretty? Shave her genitals.

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Yo mama so fat that her weight is starting to tear her and your father apart.

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What did your father say before he died? Nothing, he's already dead

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What did the college kids drink at the party? Soda. Alcohol is illegal for people under the age of 21 to consume.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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