- Anti Joke

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? He had a heart attack

Matt swam through watter. Gaby drowned on dry land.

What do you call a man that is half Chinese and half Irish? Whatever you want, he's deaf so he won't be able to hear you anyway.

Knock knock. Who's there? Jeff. Jeff who? Sh*t. Wrong house.

you, me and i need to stop doing meth!

Why are Chinese people only allowed one child? Because their government states so.

Why did the chicken cross the road? It was being chased by a predator and crossing the road led it away from it's pursuer.

A black succeeds

Why did the older man begin to walk faster after a black man started walking towards him? He was late for work.

Why did Napoleon cross his legs? Because he had to go to the bathroom

What is big, red, and eats rocks? A big red rock-eater

Why can't you fool an aborted fetus? Because it was born yesterday.

how did the dead baby cross the road? it was stapled to a chicken..

What do you call a man with a convex isogonal nonprismatic head? Rhombicosidodecahedron head.

A moth walks into a podiatrist's office. The podiatrist says, "Moth, what's the problem?" And the moth says, "What's the problem. Well, doc, where do I begin? Every day I get up to another cruel sky. It's like the sun is mocking me as I begin the gruelling preparations for another 8-hours of slogging in meaningless toil for my boss, Gregor McIvanichisky. A grey self, captive in a grey cubicle in a grey office with no windows that I might see the grey clouds beyond... I just sit in my cubicle as I feel the throbbing ache of the best days of my life being raped away into a monotonous, forgettable slurry of irrelevant corporate drudgery. I don't know what I'm doing, I don't think my boss even knows. All he knows is that he has power over me. And my children...my daughter is always on her cellphone, texting and emailing. I haven't spoken real words to her in weeks. My oldest son is never home and when he is, he's locked in his room listening to angry music. My youngest son, he's only 4, I look at him and he asks me to play... and I feel nothing. No love, no tenderness... just a void. And when I look in the mirror...I don't recognize the face staring back at me. It's aged so much from the boyish looks I remember. The years have carved deep lines of despair, worry and anguish. Dark, hollow eyes where once gleamed hope and excitement. Thin lips unable to find the smile of the happy, old days. If only I could find the courage to reach over to the side table and remove the loaded gun. And then find the strength to pull back that hammer as the chamber rotates, clicking solidly into place...Raising it to my temple for the final squeeze that will erase the last shreds of my existence from this cold grave of a life wasted away." And the podiatrist says, "Well, Moth, you're in pretty rough shape. You need to get some help. But why did you come to me? You need a psychiatrist!!" And the moth says... "Because the light was on."

A duck walks into a 7-11 and says "Give me some chapstick, put it on my bill!" But the cash register attendee doesn't speak English and cannot understand him. He does, however, question whether his God is punishing him because as all people know, Ducks cannot speak, however, this hallucination must be punishment for a horrid misdeed. The employee breaks down into tears and begins reciting prayer. The duck, slightly miffed, walks out, pondering why he'd need chapstick anyway, since he has no lips.

Why was Hitler a bad person? He cheated at boggle.

why did the chicken cross the road? because he felt like it.

how do you get a blue waffle? paint your vagina blue

What do a bicycle and a platypus have in common? They both have wheels, except the platypus doesn't.

I was having sex with my girlfriend the other night and she called me a pedofile. i told her that was a pretty big word for a 9 year old.

Yo momma is so dumb she... oh god, i'm so sorry, she was driving and she just looked down at her cellphone and there was a red light and all the cars were coming she didn't even stop oh god i'm so sorry.

Why did the child drop it's lollipop? Because they got hit by a bus.

While walking along the beach, a man stubs his toe on a half buried lamp. He picks it up, dusts it off, and a enormous Genie appears in front of him. "You have released me from my 10,000 year imprisonment. I will grant you 3 wishes to repay you." says the Genie. The man quickly uses his 1st wish for wealth and the 2nd for the love of a beautiful woman. Unable to think of a 3rd wish and seeing the sunken look on the Genie's face, he wished for the Genie's freedom. The Genie uses his unrestrained powers to kill the man, resurrect Hitler and enslave the human race.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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