Why did the babysitter only get paid 50 cents for a whole day. Because he was a 6 foot mexican.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Various reasons, one of which was to visit his wife in hospital where she was suffering from a sever case of depression. The other reason was to say his last words to her as she also has lung cancer.

whats yellow sticky and smelly? I dont know i was asking you

What do squirrels and Justin bieber have in common? Everything.

Knock knock Get off my porch.

why did the person die? He was 90 years old and was sick. Its natural

A Jew, an Atheist, and a Muslim walk into a bar. They each drink a bottle, have a conversation, and leave.

Knock knock! Who's there? Boo. Oh hey man, you got the meth?

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was involved in a homicide at the Children's Hospital resulting in death row right away and the killing of 12 other numbers

what are you talking about. Nets are terrible. Lakers are going to be the best.

What did john say to bob Hey bob

Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but if you set him on fire, he'll die

Knock Knock (No response) Knock knock (No response)

It's all Taggart

My two friends Larry and Paul are both race horses. They were getting ready for a big race to quolify them for the Kentucky durby. BANG! The race started! What. Close race! First it was Larry then Paul then Larry then Paul! And finally Larry came out and won it! Paul went to the winners circle and congratulated Larry. He said "hey great job Larry but next time after you come back from touring will you let me win?" Larry says "oh! Of course this couldn't get between us! We're like two peas in a pod. Closer then bread in a basket. We're best friends"... So when he came back from touring Larry said it was great! And promised let Paul win. BANG the race started! It was Paul then Larry then Paul then Larry won again. Paul was a little mad that he he didn't win but he went to congratulate larry anyway. Larry said next time he was deffinetly going to let Paul win, because he wasn't gonna let this get between them because they are two peas in a pod. Closer then bread in a basket, they are best friends. Then after Larry came back from touring he promised again he would let Paul win. BANG! The race started and it was Paul then Larry! Then Paul! Larry! Paul! Then larry won. Paul at this point furious went to the winners circle. He talked to Larry "Larry why didn't you let me win for the third time!? This is just your ego trying to win every time now!?" I didn't want them to fight so I chimed in "Larry, Paul! Please don't fight! Your two peas in a pod! Closer then bread in a basket! Your best friends!! You don't want to fight like this!" Larry turned to Paul and said "Hey look! A talking dog!"

Roses are brown, Violets are brown, WHO THE HELL $#!T IN MY GARDEN?!

What do you get if you cross a centipede with a millipede? I don't know but it sure has a lot of legs

A man walks into an illegal brothel. He is a cop. He takes them back to the police station and questions them in a completely asexual manner.

What did Harold homeless man get for his Birthday? after several years of a meth abuse Harold lost contact with his family. As a result Harold received nothing but an extra bowl of soup at his local soup kitchen.

Why did the Chicken Cross the Road? The Light was red.

Why did the chicken cross the road? to get away from a gigantic tiger slowly stalking him

If Steve has 5 apples and gives Jenny 2, it is obvious they aren't eating oranges.

What did the doctors tell the boy with cancer who is on his way to being released from the hospital? "you are going to die," why give him hope and be proved wrong. This way if they are wrong the whole situation is a miracle, if they are right..... "I told you so"

why couldn't the little girl play on the swing? Matty Russel was chasing her

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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