Three men walk in to a bar, One ducked

What did Mambo say to Jumbo? Nothing. Because they weren't friends.

A man finds an antique lamp at a garage sale. He takes it home and polishes it, and a majestic genie materializes. The genie thanks the man for freeing him from excruciating slavery, shakes his hand, and returns home to his overjoyed family.

Knock knock who's there atch watch who? bless you

A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

Why are bannanas bendy? Because unlike cucumbers bannas are not grown in a tube and are left to grow at their own pace.

A man is walking down the beach and he spots an antique looking lamp in the sand, he picks it up and rubs it. Nothing happens and the man begins to cry realizing that his life is so dismal and pathetic he was ready to believe he had found a magic lamp. He proceeds to run into the water and bash himself senseless with a large rock until he passes out and drowns.

Q.What do you call a beaver with a unibrow. A. A beaver........it's still a beaver

so your in a room with mickey mouse and the lights go off, how did the lights go off mickey mouse turned them off

Voldemort's nose is so flat, that it looks like he doesn't have a nose.

How do you get the pesky neighborhood kids off your front lawn? Molest them.

Q: Why was the black guy afraid of the chainsaw A: It was cutting his arm off

What is the opposite of pro? Con right? So what's the opposite of progress? Congress

Your Mum's so fat, she's going to die.

Why did the girl kill herself? she was depressed.

What do u call a six year old boy holding a gun. illegal

Why does blond women give great blowjob? Because they has vaacum in thier heads! Blond woman coment; well thats better than having nothing at all in your head! :-)

jim is constantly asking bob the same questions, bob brings this to attention and suggests that jim might have amnesia. jim agrees and they move on iwth the conversation. minutes later jim asks a simaler question brought to attention earlier because he has amnesia

How do you kill a Chinese man? There are many ways, all of which are horrible

If you walked into a grocery store right in the middle of Cuba what won't you see? The missing Malaysian MH370 Boeing.

Stevie Wonder: Did you see the new piano I got from pepsi? Me: no.... Stevie Wonder: Neither did I...........

What's the difference between Harry Potter and the Jews? Harry Potter can escape the chambers.

What's green and brown, and if it fell out of a tree on you it would kill you? A billiard table?

Why did schlomo fall off the swing He lost balance because Muslims threatened to kill him

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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