R: Caught my wife cheating the other night. P: You bitter? R: Yes. I am.

Tin is a chemical element with symbol Sn (for Latin: stannum) and atomic number 50. It is a main group metal in group 14 of the periodic table. Tin shows chemical similarity to both neighboring group-14 elements, germanium and lead, and has two possible oxidation states, +2 and the slightly more stable +4. Tin is the 49th most abundant element and has, with 10 stable isotopes, the largest number of stable isotopes in the periodic table. It is a silvery, malleable other metal that is not easily oxidized in air, obtained chiefly from the mineral cassiterite where it occurs as tin dioxide, SnO2.

whats black dirty gross and sits on the porch all day? a trash bag

how many dead babies can you fit into a bath tub i dont know i didnt get the chance to fill it up yet

Why wasn't the woman happy when she gave birth? Because she was thrown into a pool of semen 9 months ago.

How many babies does it take to change a light bulb? None. Babies shouldn't be changing light bulbs.

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

Why was the ginger angry with the manager of the hardware store? His smoke detector didn’t come with a snooze button.

What's black, blue, red, green, white, purple, orange, yellow, etc.? Last I checked, a bunch of colors

What did the guy say when he lost his tractor? Wheres my tractor?

Why couldn't little Suzie snap her fingers? Her stepfather cut off her fingers after becoming a drunk and leaving her family.

Hollywood presents: "HELP US MARIO! THE WORLD IS BEING OVERWHELMED BY KOOPA AND HIS FORCES OF TURTLES!" "What the hell do you want me to do? I am a damn plumber, squish them? Besides they are just turtles" "Oh yeah..." Steven Spielberg: Get bay on this script, at least its much better than the first one.

Why was the little boy late to church? He was getting raped by the priest. ....the priest was late too.

Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because I hit her with a shovel.

What do you call a black man chasing after a macdonalds van? The fastest thing in the dessert.

Ask Me If I'm A Piece of Bread Are You a Piec--- Nope

Knock Knock Who's there? Orange Oranges can't talk therefore this is not a accurate accusation.

Roses are red Violets are blue The last time I saw your mom I made you

What happened to George's pet rock? It ran away.

Why didnt sally throw out her lunch? Her mom had a miscarriage, she was never born.

What starts with P and ends with O-R-N? Porn

Caitlin Jenner has a mangina.

Why did the old woman put roller skates on her rocking chair? She had dementia.

* pretend your an orphan Knock knock Who's there? Not your parents.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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