Ernie: "Hey Jim, how many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop?" Jim then breaks down and cries deeply at Ernie's question as the fact that he was born without a tongue continues to slowly tear him apart.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Jimmy Saville

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Q. why did the girl fall off the swing? A. Because she had no arms.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

what's worse than falling and scraping your knee? living within a 10 mile radius of a Japanese nuclear reactor

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? He got hit in the head with a brick.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did the boy have to ride the bus? Because both his parents died.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What's the sexiest thing on a farm? It depends on what you find sexy, and your personal perception of a farm.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall? First of all, babies do not have the physical ability or the mental capacity to ever paint a wall, no matter how many of them there are. Second of all, they are dead which probably will not increase their chances of painting said wall.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

In the movie Sherlock holms, why is Sherlock Holms gay?? --------------Because he is chasing "blackwood"

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What's the difference between me and an animal? I'm human

thumb_up thumb_down +8

I LOVE MASTURBAITING ALL DAY!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +8

How do you cheat your friend up Throw a BRIC at her face.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Knock Knock... Who's there? Nine... Nine who? Nine Eleven.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What do u call something that's sticky and in a stick form? A glue stick :)

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What did God say to Abraham? Nothing, because God doesn't exist.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What did Ann Frank say when she dropped her icecream Nothing because she was captured by Natzis

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint of beer, the bartender quickly takes out a shot gun and shoots the horse because he is secretly dealing horse meat to tescos

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did the koala fall of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the other koala fall off the tree? It was stapled to the first koala.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Your mama is so fat, we are all severely concerned for her health

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A man shaves at least 3 times a week, yet he has the longest beard in town, how is that possible? He shaves his head because he's embarrassed about his rampant and patchy balding.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Officer i'm dot nrunk, beriously you gotta selieve me!

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi all walk into a bar. They all say ouch and then continue walking. Although the minister did hit it at a higher speed and ended up with a black eye.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

How many blondes can you fit in a car? About 5 if you lift the arm rest.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

How do you make Lady Gaga cry? Make hurtful and upsetting remarks about her person.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops