Timmy needed to use the restroom in class, so he raised his hand and asked, "Can I go use the restroom?". The teacher said " I don't know, CAN you?" Timmy said, "When I was using "can" I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought since you were a teacher you'd know that. My bad. MAY I use the restroom?"

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Three men were on a plane. One chucked an apple out the window. Unfortunately, due to the low pressure outside, all the men were sucked out the window.

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What do you call an obese kid with no arms and an eye-patch? Names.

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roses are red violets r blue jump off a building no one likes u

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A muslim walks out of a plane.

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My grandmother's zodiac sign was cancer, and she was killed by a giant crab.

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How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? A car crash.

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What happens when Lord Voldemort tries to kill Harry Potter? He is unsuccessful.

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What is brown and sticky?… A shit…

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What did the farmer say when the potatoes were ready for harvest? The potatoes are ready for harvest.

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You know what they say about a man's feet... No i don't.

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How do you know when you have had too much to drink? When you ran over 7 pedestrians and are lying in the back of a police vehicle

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What is the difference between a dead baby and a watermelon? One is fun to hit with a sledgehammer while the other is just a water melon.

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Why didn't the boy answer the phone when it was ringing? Because he had no arms to pick it up.

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"What's up?" "A movie about an old man who takes his house to South America by tying balloons to it, who accidentally brings along a young boy with him and they have an adventure."

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Roses are Red Violets are Red My Garden is on Fire.

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What did the black fire-fighter do when the house caught fire? The heroic man ran inside and got every animal and person inside to the out side and then proceeded to extinguish the flames with his fire-extinguisher out, thus saving most of the families valuables. He was then awarded a raise in his salary for his heroic valor. Although any fire-fighter could have done this because of the hard work and dedication that is put into training. So really describing the race that this heroic man is was totally pointless.

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what does lady gaga have that some people dont have? a penis.

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Yo momma's so ugly that she could not find another partner after the tragic death of your father

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? She is a woman.

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Why couldn't the black man be an astronaut? He was not qualified for the Job

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What did the asian say to the President of the United States? I don't speak English

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Why are apples cheaper than lemons? Because you have to pay less money then lemons to buy them

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Did you know Helen Keller has a pool? no oh well she does.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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