A priest and a rabbi walks into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says "is this some kind of joke?".

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Making fun of Charlie Sheen is like shooting up in a barrel.

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If you're American when you go into the bathroom and you're American when you come out of the bathroom, what are you when you're in the bathroom? Magic.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Banana Yoshimoto. A popular Japanese author of the book, Kitchen. She is incredibly talented and it would be a great honor to have her in your house, so you should open your door.

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What do you call a mexican and a African? Two people with no water.

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A stranger pulls up next to a little boy walking home from school. The stranger offers the boy a ride home. The boy says yes, gets in the car, and is driven home as promised

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Why couldn't the boy talk? He had his fathers hairy scrote was in his mouth

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So, two men walk into a bar. But the midget walks under it.

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What do you call black people working in a field? Farmers.

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Why couldn't the girl eat her pizza? She had no face.

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What's most weird about necrophilia? They copulate with dead bodies.

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why couldnt the baby walk through the door? because it had a javeline through its head.

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Yeah, "master hypnotists" (and do not even get me started on hypnotherapists, they completely suck!) keep claiming that you need to keep up to date with the "constantly developing art of hypnosis" The thing is though, that hypnosis does not develop itself, people develop it further, and when the key ingredient is actually believing things under a certain state, you can do anything, even slow the passage of time to a halt. Once I tried that, I was disappointed when I figured out that it did not work, so I went shopping (for groceries), then realized that no time had passed at all, sounds like bullshit, and yeah I wont be trying that again anytime soon, lucid dreaming is good enough, you can spend hours and hours in a lucid dream state, days, and then wake up and figure out you slept like two hours or something.

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Uh... Justin, the most pointless man... I gotta cringe for a moment, I don't want to be mean here, but I think my body cell total opinion pool dropped a large quantity there, its not that I do not want you anymore, but, my body`s mass body cell total is kinda denying me... Actually I am denying IT... ACTUALLY WE ARE DENYING EACH OTHER, (which is totally awesome, united denial fighting against one another FOR DENYING THE MOST! BECAUSE COOPERATION IS FOR PUSSIES!) Anyway, hell I am dead tired, oh yeah, Justin... Man, Uh, who where you again?

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whats worse than unloading a truck of dead babies with pitch forks? Finding one alive

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why did the Chinese guy take steroids? He didn't he's naturally small.

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patient: Doctor, doctor, i think i'm a lemon. Doctor: racial segregation and presidency is my middle name.

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Why didn't Suzie answer her mother? Suzie has a serious condition where she is mute and also severely deaf.

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How do you stop a black kid from jumping around in your bedroom? Chuck him out of the house.

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awkward moment when someone pretends to be Mr. Bear and stuffs up his own joke

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Why did Marilyn Manson surgically remove 2 ribs from his body? To suck his own penis.

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Why can't Stevie wonder read? He can. He reads braille.

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Whats worse than Sandy Hook Massacre? 9/11

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A jew walked into a bar Hitler said.... A jew walked out of a concentration camp

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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