What did the fat man order at McDonalds? Nothing, he was on a diet

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What do you call a discrase of a living enviorment? African huts there so muddy

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What would Jesus say if he was alive today? “Nehwê tzevjânach aikâna d'bwaschmâja af b'arha.”

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There is no "I" in "TEAM" However, there is a "T" an "E" an "A" and an "M"

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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what's worse than a dead baby in the bathtub? if the baby was named Grace.

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How many Jews can you fit in a car? Two in the front, three in the back, and 278 in the ash tray/\.

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Why aren't there any painkillers in the jungle? because of the unethical and unscrupulous practices of big pharma

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What happened to the child drowning in a pool? He was saved by the well-trained lifeguard.

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs, floating in the ocean? A victim of the increasingly violent Mexican drug cartels.

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What if algebra teachers were actually pirates, and they're making us find the X so they can search for buried treasure?

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A Johnson walks into a hole. Why am I in this hole? Because rape is not an option.

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What was the only reason a ginger ever won in a fight? It was against a Dementor.

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Your mom is so fat, she had a heart attack and died. It was very sad and she will be missed.

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what do you call a baby with a stamp on his nose.? Kentucky won the national championship this year

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how do you open a can of coke with no tab? throw a washing machine at it

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Billy and Joseph are playing Rock paper scissors. Billy says paper. Joseph proceeds to throw a rock as hard as he can at Billys face and sends him to the emergency room where he was later diagnosed with terminal testicular cancer.

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You are the most beautiful person in the world.

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whats brown and has wings? a stick, i lied about the wings bit

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Q: whats red, spins, and screams? A: a baby in a blender

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Hey I just meet you. And this is crazy, but im a Zombie. And you looks tasty!

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What did the girl tell her abusive boyfriend Girl: You broke my heart! Boyfriend: I'm gonna break your face.

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a black man, a Jew, a Chinese man and a polar bear walk into a bar, the bar tender says sorry no animals allowed in the bar, so the polar bear left and the other three ordered some drinks and had a nice time

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What did the mexican say to the other mexican? Lets go get some tacos.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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