Two men and a woman go to lunch together at a restaurant in New York City. The first man says, "I'm glad that we're finally doing this." The second man says, "Yeah, me too." The woman concurs.

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why did little johnny start choking? because somebody shoved a bag down his throat

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Cancer

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Roses are red Violets are blue Im really bad at poetry Your mums a whore

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What is worst than Justin Bieber new album? Being a jew during the holocaust or aids.

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Hey look i just made a jo... shit.

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if yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too. Cna yuo raed tihs?

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Why did the black guy get a boner? The nitric oxide levels in his trabecular arteries and smooth muscle of his penis rose, causing his arteries to dilate and therefore enlarging his penis.

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There was 2 friends named Shutup and Trouble. They were camping and Trouble got lost in the woods. Shutup called the police. Shutup: Hello, is this 9-1-1 my friend is missing. Police: What is your name sir? Shutup: Shut up Police: What? Shutup: Shut up Police: What did you say? Shutup: I said Shut Up Police: Hey are you looking for TROUBLE? Shutup: Yes! Police: Guess what? We found him, he's safe in the station. We will have a officer come by a drop him off. Have a good day Mr. Shutup Shutup: Thank you

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So mind telling me why you wont call me? And why, you know... Are you avoiding this condition of yours?

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Why did the lion get lost? Because the jungle is massive

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Knock knock, Who's there? Justin Bieber, LEAVE!

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm not good at rhyming turd

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What do black people eat? What everyone else does!

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Q. why did the black man cross the road? A. Cause there is no law saying he cant

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Why did Suzie's friend put rubbish in her mouth? Because Suzie is a rubbish bin.

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What do you get if Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus have a baby? The apocalypse

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What's sad about 4 black people in a Cadillac over off a cliff? A Cadillac seats 5

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whats worse then getting a parking ticket? the plague

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What did one muffin say to the other muffin Holy shit a talking muffin

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What's worse then 10 dead babies in 1 tree? 1 dead baby in 10 trees...

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whats worse than having ice cream and not eating it? Being lactose intolerant

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what do you call a black guy with a bachelor's degree? by his first name, "Carl".

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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