What would Marylin Monroe be doing right now if she was alive? Clawing her way out of her coffin.

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I am pleased and honored to hear you speak that beautifully straight from your heart Nero, you are without equal, unmatched. And he who is unmatched, also stands alone.

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What happened to the Chicken who crossed the road? It made it to the other side!

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What's worse than stapling a baby to a tree? Stapling the same baby to ten trees.

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What do you call a black guy driving a bus? A bus driver

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A duck walks up to a lemonade stand. He didn't say anything because ducks can't talk.

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What song does the lady camel sing to seduce male camels - my humps my humps my humps my humps How did sergay the camel respond? -we dont know. He died a fatal death involving hippos in hula skirts, and flying guavas

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Why did the monkey eat the banana? Because it was sexually confused

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what smells like red paint, looks like red paint and is called red paint? A pear, i lied about everything i just said

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What do you call a black man on the moon?? Never going to happen

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A Palestinian woman asks a man for directions. She is promptly stoned to death.

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A 10 year old underpriveledged boy goes to the second mile camp and meets his new counselor: Penn State defensive coordinator Jerry Sandusky. The two bond very much and talk a lot. Sandusky invites the boy back to the locker room to shower because the boy got muddy. The boy takes a shower, gets clean, and goes back to his cabin. The boy has a great time at the camp and goes home.

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Hazel and Gus are two teenagers who share an acerbic wit, a disdain for the conventional, and a love that sweeps them on a journey. Their relationship is all the more miraculous given that Hazel's other constant companion is an oxygen tank, Gus jokes about his prosthetic leg, and they met and fell in love at a cancer support group.

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A baby seal walks into a club. It is eventually beaten to death and eaten.

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roses are red, violets are blue, im a bad poet, text me. LMFAO

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what do you call a cat that cant meow? Charlie Sheen.

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What is small, red all over and gets shorter by the second? A baby cutting its hair with a potato peeler

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An Aussie, American and Englishman were all drinking beer on a plane to Hawaii. All 3 of them were very excited for their vaction, which they all saved hard for and their breaks from work were well deserved.

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What is the way to a man's heart? Through his stomach. With a knife. Then then go up a little.

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In soviet Russia...things are different

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roses are red, violets are blue, Hitler killed 6.6 million jews.

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What did the homeless man find on the side of the street? A pile of dead babies.

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A man walks into a bar. Splash.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a tomato

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops