A couple elopes in Vegas. The next morning while eating breakfast the woman tells her husband she thinks it was a mistake, using her alcoholism as an excuse for her inability to make practical decisions. The man proceeded to cry and called his attorney to arrangea proper divorce.

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"Hey ask me if i'm fat" "Are you fat" "Leave me alone"

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool? Determined.

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What do you call a black man driving a plane? A pilot, you racist.

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An ant tries to climb and sit on a tube. It couldn't. Do you get it? … I don't either.

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Are you ready kids "Aye Aye Captain" I Can't hear you "AYE AYE CAPTAIN" Ohh... Who lives in a pineapple under the sea "Spongebob squarepants" Absorbant and yellow and porous is he "Spongebob Squarepants" If nautical nonsense be something you wish "Spongebob Squarepants" Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish "Spongebob Squarepants" READY Spongebob squarepants Spongebob squarepants Spongebob squarepants SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

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Cancer

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What did the man say when he realized that he was late for work? "Shit, I'm late for work."

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whats worse than catching your parents having sex? having sex with your parents

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What is the definition of child abuse? Ms Bazan

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What did the drug addict say to the doctor? I am a drug addict and am in need of help and rehabilitation.

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Two guys walked into a pub... and they totally redecorated it! It was brilliant.

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How did the the the police know Princess Diana had dandruff? They found her head & shoulders in the glove compartment.

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If your mom is a teacher and your dad is a gynecologist, how many pancakes does it take to stack on top of a dog house roof? 12. Because footballs don't have feathers.

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How did the fat man die? He was fed porrage until he died. Who killed the fat man? Leonardo DaVici How did Leonardo Da Vinci die? Natural causes (Actually I have no idea how Leonardo Da Vici died but if I am wrong please correct me) Thank You for your coperation.

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What did the cop say to his belly? "Hey in there!"

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What do you call a man with no legs? A leg-less man.

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swag

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What did the black boy wear for Halloween? A costume.

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What is red and green and goes 50mph? A frog in a blender.

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What did the cop say to the speeding black man? "Can I see your license and registration?"

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Suck pussy

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What did the surgeon say to the patient? Nothing. The patient died on the table.

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Why was the multi-millionaire entreprenuer sad? He went bankrupt.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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