What is the difference between a Jew and pizza? Pizza does not scream when it goes in the oven.

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why did the man break his arm? he didn't, someone else broke it for him

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Your mumma's so ugly. Period.

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Why did the black man have a gun in his hand? He was crossing through a dangerous neighborhood and was offering protection to himself and his family.

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why should you not shake a baby? because if it dies it wouldnt know that its parents hate them.

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Dad, why do people say mom is a nympho? No idea son, try asking one of your other dads.

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A man jumped off a cliff and wished he could fly. He was hit by a plane

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how many girlfriends does robert dupra have? none becomes his sister doesn't count trololololol

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Systemic oppression.

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What's more epic than a man in a gorilla suit? A man in a gorilla suit with a banana.

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What's the difference between celery and a truck?

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Why didn't Rosa Parks get her fat black ass up? Because she was an avid partier and had anal with roughly 8 different guys the night before.

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What's black, blue, and read all over? The newspaper.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I wanted tobe cool, But I look like you

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A priest and a rabbi walks into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says "is this some kind of joke?".

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A man brings his entire family in to meet a show producer. The producer says, "Okay, let's see what you got." The man then proceeds to lead his family through a variety of acts, including showcasing the proper way to drink English tea and how to dress for a polo match. When they finish, the producer asks, "And just what do you call your act?" To which the man replies, "The Aristocrats!"

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How does Justin Bieber remove a condom? he farts

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A black man accidentally walks into a white man. They apologize to each other and carry on with the rest of their day.

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How do you make a clown stop laughing? Hit him in the face with an ax.

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Why did nobody answer when billy knocked on the door? Billy was a loaf of bread.

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Making fun of Charlie Sheen is like shooting up in a barrel.

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I saw a number three walking past me in the street the other day and I thought to my self that's odd.

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what did the nail say to the hammer? Hit me baby one more time

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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