A duck walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender realizing this is an odd situation, seeing that ducks cannot articulate the English language, realizes he must be dreaming. He wakes up and turns to tell his wife about the dream, but she won't respond. He then realizes how his marriage is in shambles...

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Why was the woman angry with Santa Claus? Because he kicked her hands.

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Why is the interesting goat so talented at chess? He's Bobby Fischer's dad.

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what did Tim get for Valentimes day? nothing, no such day exists. spell check

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What do retards eat for lunch? Grilled Cheese

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Where's Wally? In a children's book.

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Q: Whats more funny than a pile of dead babies? A: The one in the center eating its way out

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What's worse than a piece of food stuck between your teeth? I don't know, what? A cruise ship stuck between your teeth.

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Me John Kasich! Me win Ohio primary!

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Whats worse than the holocaust? Sex with helen keller.

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why weren't all the jews wiped out in WW2 the gas bill was too expensive

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What did the policeman say to the man robbing the bar? Stealing is wrong. Then the police read the man his Miranda laws.

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yay for the idiot that posted "whats white, sticky and yummy? milk". WTF dude? milk has never been sticky and good at the same time and its never going to be. infact, ive never known milk to be sticky, maybe after such a long period of being spoiled the milk becomes somewhat sticky, but your attempt at creating a perverted joke that wasnt in anyway funny or even close to being correct was so poor i feel the need to post this and hope you read it and decide returning to school would be beneficial to the rest of your life. I guarantee everyone who reads your post about milk being sticky is thinking something pretty similar to what i am.

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If you had 4 oranges in one hand and 7 oranges in the other, what would you have? Really big hands.

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What did the judge say to the criminal? I sentence you to a life time of solitary confinement.

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What do you call a man with no arms or legs? Unfortunate

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Roses are red violets are blue monkeys like you belong in the zoo but don't be afraid I'll be there to that in the cage but laughing at you

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Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A: Because it died. Q: Why did the dog fall out of the tree? A: Because it was tied to the monkey.

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Q.How do you get a dog to meow ? A. Put the dog in the freezer overnight . . Get a chainsaw and run it along his back in the morning . " Meowrrrr..."

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Why didn't the boy go to the bathroom? His mother was taking a well deserved bath.

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Make a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day... set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

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A life-sized cardboard cut out of Justin Bieber was in a contest with a cut out of Liam Neeson. It was stiff competition.

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I just started the seafood diet. It consists primarily of eating fish due to its high nutritional content.

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What's the difference between Rebecca Black and your mom? Nope! Chuck Testa.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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