Why was the truck making noises? It was backing up.

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A man dies and goes to heaven. This is an assumption based on religious faith.

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While getting Sherrie's Crabcakes I was arrested by Missy Hepp highway patrol.

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How do you put an elephant in a fridge? Open the fridge door and place the elephant inside. How do you put a giraffe in a fridge? Open the fridge door, remove the elephant, and place the giraffe inside. There is a party at the zoo. All of the zoo animals attend, except one. Which one? The giraffe, because he is in the fridge.

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A duck walks up to a lemonade stand, as asks the man running the stand, "Hey, got any grapes?" The man suffers a heart attack from the shock of a talking duck

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What do you do when a blond throws a grenade at you? Take the pin out and throw it back. Then look down and realize there's still an active grenade in your hand. You've just become the joke

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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Why a polar bear fell over? He drank so much

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A white horse walks into a bar and orders a bitter. The bartender says "Hey, do you know we've got a drink named after you?" The horse says; "Eeek! A talking cow."

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Knock, knock. Who's there? Your one and only! Step away from the door, Francheska. You're violating the restraining order.

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why did scooba steeve loose his flippers? because his head imploded after reaching an extremley high pressure point at the bottom of the ocean. unable to live, his memory was a bit less persistant.

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Why Johnny's parents threw out his broken bike? - ´Cause Johnny got ran over by a drunken driver yesterday, when he was cycling back home from school.

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Why did the boy who didn't do his homework fall out off a tree? Because his overly obsessive mom threw a rock at him.

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Why did the black man go to portugal? Because he was very hard working and needed a vacation.

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What's white and sticky.... Jizz

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What do you call a bug stepped on 47 times, then burned to a crisp? Dead

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Why did they choose Madonna to perform in the halftime show? Because she might die soon.

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what's the difference between a lion and an ostrich? they are both birds, a part from the lion

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a dyslecstic son seys to his mum can i have a mcdonald for tea the mum seys ye if you can spell mcdonlds and the son seys fuk that im having a kcf

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Ever heard of carpel tunnel? Well after that girl it was more like carpal toungal

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Do you want to hear a joke, Women's rights

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Why was the fat guy so sad? Because he knew he would die sooner or later, just like every other human being

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what do you do with a drunken sailor? take him back to port because he's not in a right state of mind to be on board a moving vessel

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If i could re-arrange the alphabet i'd put my sausage in your oven

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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