Why did the father leave work early on his son's birthday? He was rushed to the hospital after facing a severe heart attack due to a history of cardiovascular disease in his family.

thumb_up thumb_down

Drunk, a tweeker and a pot head are walking together when they come upon a huge wall with a large, locked gate in the middle of it. The drunk shouts "lesh shmash it down!" then passes out. The tweeker says "Dude, we should totally take the lock apart and see if there's some kind of mechanism in there holding it together that we can use to build some sort of machine for taking... oh man I gotta crap so bad! Either of you guys gota smoke?" and the pot head says "We should sit here and wait." I didn't say it was a good story

thumb_up thumb_down

Why did the Jew cross the road? After looking both ways many times, repeatedly, to make sure there was absolutely no element of possible danger, he concluded that his best option was the cross the road.

thumb_up thumb_down

What is green, has four legs, and if it falls out of a tree and onto your head, it will kill you? A pool table.

thumb_up thumb_down

How do you kill Osama Bin Laden? Get The Navy Seals To Infiltrate his compound.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't.It got ran over by a bus.

thumb_up thumb_down

Q: How many babies does it take to paint a wall?? A: It depends on how hard you throw them!!

thumb_up thumb_down

When did the laughter finally die? When you started this joke.

thumb_up thumb_down

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, if it weren't for the women our peckers would rust. By:Jhonny Thomas Spikes & Trenton Thomas Prather

thumb_up thumb_down

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Haiku doesn't rhyme, And neither does this

thumb_up thumb_down

Why couldn't Dumbo fly? Because he had just been killed by an African Poacher, and dead elephants can't fly. This is very sad.

thumb_up thumb_down

an 80 yr old man apllies to walmart

thumb_up thumb_down

Two black guys walk into a bar. They had too much alcoholic substances and got alcohol poisoning. Their families mourned for days and their kids grew u without a father. The end.

thumb_up thumb_down

The President, The Pope, and a small child are all in an airplane when the pilot announces that the plane is going to crash. They crash into the ocean and quickly remember that there is a life vest under their seats, which they promptly put on and safely inflate after exiting the cabin of the aircraft.

thumb_up thumb_down

what does a buttler put in a closet ? stuff.

thumb_up thumb_down

What did the man with candy say to the little boy? I have Candy.

thumb_up thumb_down

An asian man walks into a bar and lights a cigarette. He is politely asked to leave due to smoking being prohibited indoors.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why is Ray Charles always smiling? He's not, corpses rarely smile

thumb_up thumb_down

my grandpa has the heart of a lion, and a permanent ban to the zoo.

thumb_up thumb_down

What's the worlds most popular burger? The Krabby Patty

thumb_up thumb_down

How many babys does it take to paint a wall red? 7 and 24 paint brushes cause babys need do overs

thumb_up thumb_down

What did the paralyzed kid get for his 18th birthday? A boner.

thumb_up thumb_down

What do you get when you mate a rhino with an elephant? Nothing. This mating cannot produce offspring.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

If a red house is made out of red bricks, and a blue house is made out of blue bricks, what is a green house made out of? Green bricks.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops