Whats the difference between a jew and firewood? Firewood is meant to be burned in a stove or firepit while jews are functioning members of society.

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A brunette, a blond and a red-head decide to go swimming in a lake. To prepare, they go shopping together to get some new bikinis. When they get to the shop they are pleased to find that the bikinis are on sale and they get them 50% off. They drive with their new swimwear to the lake and get changed in the changing room. When they get out they notice that it is quite cold. They decide to go swimming anyway. They notice that the lake is dirty. They decide to go swimming anyway. They notice the lake is actually a spill of oil. They decide to go swimming anyway. They remember that none of them can swim. They decide to go swimming anyway. They jump in. They drown.

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There was once a Polish man who was extremely sad with life because people always made fun of him. He decided to do something about it. He sat down to contemplate the situation, and after a few hours, he thought, "I have never seen anyone making fun of Italians. So, if I start talking and behaving like them, no one will be able to make out that I am Polish and make fun of me." He went into isolation for three months and after a lot of practice, he walked confidently into a shop and said, "I am a very hungry. Give me some pepperoni and zucchini." Immediately, the man behind the counter said "Are you Polish?" This guy was taken aback and he repeated his request. The man behind the counter said, "Are you Polish or not?" This man was finally very ashamed and amazed at the shop owner's discerning ability and so he admitted to the fact after which he asked, "But how did you know?" The shopkeeper replied, "My grandmother was Polish. I could tell by your accent."

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Why don't flowers bite you when you pick them? Cuz they don't have a brain.

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What do you call a blonde at the beach? A dipthong.

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What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other? Whatever her name is.

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What's the difference between Little Billy and Ice Cream? People like Ice Cream.

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I'm a vegan thats why I am still a Virgin.

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What does a black person and ebola have in common? They both kill people

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How many Jews can you fit into a car? Depending on the size of the car, you should be able to safely fit somewhere between 2 and 8.

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There are two cows standing in a field eating grass. The first cow says "moo", the second cow says "Thats funny, I was about to say that".

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What's the best part of having sex with twenty-four year olds? There's 20 of them.

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CJTheBEST Sticks and stones, May break my bones, Because i have osteoperosis

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A man walked into a bar. He needed 5 stitches.

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What's the sound of one hand clapping? The same as two hands; just not as loud.

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How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light bulb? To get to the other side.

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What do you call a white sheep with no legs? A cloud What do you call a black sheep with no legs? A shit.

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Bob loves Anne. Anne loves Bob. No one cares.

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a car? It depends on how fast you drive.

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Bride: "He went to Jared's!!! Ex: "But every Kiss Begins with Kay...."

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Q: Why didn't the bunny eat the carrot? A: The bunny didn't have any carrots. Poor bunny.

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Why was the asain studing? Because he had a 59 in math and needed a C to tay on the footbal team.

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Truth is Jordan Abu aita has a hairy @ss

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A couple of years back a went to chile for a day, I was then trapped underground for 70 days...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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