- Anti Joke

Roses are red Violets are blue I'm bad at poems... Nice t*ts

y was John so sad becaus his mom took his phone

If you have three ice-cream cones, and you give away two, how many do you have left? Why would you give away your ice-cream? Eating it is the better option.

Why did the chicken cross the road? it was thrown

Yo mama's so white that she has to use lots of sunscreen to prevent from getting sunburned.

Two Jews walk into a pub. They don't order a ham sandwich.

What happened when the boy got caught with his hand in the cookie jar? He gets shot in the face by Santa.

Why can a black man beat a white man in basketball? They are generally better at basketball Why cant a black man beat a KKK member in basketball? He valued his life and didnt want to die

Roses are red,violets are blue,hit me once I will break you to Roses are red,violets are blue,I will kick your ass, as hard as to

What is the difference between a pizza and a Jew?

A man walks into a bar and sits down on a stool. Being the only two people in this rundown watering hole, the bartender walks over slowly to the man and asks him in a depressed tone, "What would you like?" The man replies back with nervous hesitation, "Do... you mind if I have a rum and coke?" Staring off into the empty wall of the bar, the bartender sighs then says, "Eh... Why not. Your service is better than watching these reruns of MASH on this broken television. I can barely understand where all this laughter's coming from when the punchlines are covered up with static. I feel that if I could take in on how the joke was being told that it could potentially fill that void I experience in day-to-day life, but in the financial state that I'm currently in, that huge hole that I sense in daily life will never ever be filled. Every morning I wake up and try to find a way that I could escape this feeling that I have at the bottom of my stomach. You know there was a time where butterflies flew around in my gut because this television worked just so damn well, but it seems that over time the butterflies ate one too many greasy cheeseburgers and drank one too many beers." While still concentrating on the empty space of the wall, the bartender starts to tear up. he wipes the tear away then continues on with his rant. "But that isn't the only problem that I have going on with me. Every night in my vacant and almost unfurnished apartment, I would prepare myself a TV dinner in the microwave and set up my recliner so I could stare out of my window and see what's going on in my neighbor's living room. Every night I would do this and watch him have his loud and raunchy drug-induced orgies with women and animals. They would light up candles and chant right in front of the beautiful orange glow before stripping off their clothes. I know that it's a great misfortune that even I myself know what is wrong with this picture that I just described to you, and yet simultaneously, it hasn't really dawned on me yet that what I've been doing is extremely creepy and intrusive. Even walking upon this shaky and seemingly everlasting tightrope of ambivalence, I can see what's the right answer but loneliness has a strong effect on a person. Upon its very appearance, it corrupts the personal ethics of some beings. Many times I've seen quiet men turn themselves into loud and mad animals to make themselves look like alpha males. Many times I've seen celibate women strip off their clothes and show flesh all for a pervert. Sometimes I just stay here at the bar and watch TMZ. I've even sense the loneliness when I looked in some of the eyes of the celebrities'. Their acts scream loneliness as they stumble around drunk and mumble words in front of some overpriced bar. Perhaps I'm just going nuts here. It's almost like I'm having too much fun when I take in at what I've become. I've fallen into the shape of a lonely bartender of an empty, empty place. This establishment used to be so full of life but now it's all shrunken up. I apologize, sir. I know I probably told you too much information, but I'm drunk and I felt that this is the only opportunity that I'll have before i relive that feeling again. It just won't stop. It goes on and on." After staring deeply into his drink for sometime, the man digs into the inner pocket of his coat to pull out his pack of cigarettes. The bartender murmurs out to himself as he reads the cigarette box, "Lucky Strikes, unfiltered." As the man pulls out a cigarette for him and the bartender, he says, "cheer up, man. we'll make the best of it." The bartender takes one and lights up with the man in the bar. After a few drinks, the man decides that he's going to wrap it up and hit the town. As the man is leaving, he lays down a hundred dollar bill and tells the bartender to take it. The bartender smiles and says, "thanks for listening to me, sir. you've been great." The man turns around and smiles then says, "No problem. Thank you for staring into my apartment."

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I've got a smoke dectecter, You died in a fire

What's better than rape? Consensual sex.

A man asked Alexander the Great if he was gay, yet Alexander the Great was not offended. Why? Because "gay" has a rather different connotation than in the modern world than it did in earlier time periods where it meant "happy". Also, Macedonians, Alexander the Great's native people, did not speak English so he would not understand the question. Also Alexander the Great was gay in the sense that he was actually a homosexual.

Why did the girl break her leg? Because I pushed down the staircase.

Two muffins are sitting next to each other in the dessert. A hungry man passes, takes a look at the muffins lifts his shoulders and walks away. The next day a camel walks by and eats one of the muffins. The camel dies instantly, apparently the muffin was poisoned.

A lesbian and a gay both lie about there gender on eharmony, trying to get a date with someone there own gender. By coincedene, they get matched and go on a date, and both of them realize how weird this situation is and go home.

Why did the pumpkin stop using the jack hammer? Pumpkins cannot use power tools since they are nothing but an orange gourd. But, [for sport] say this ‘pumpkin’ was incarnate; one could assume he was done with his demolition work. He then would return the portable drill to the rental facility and get his deposit back.

OK, so there's this blonde driving down the road in her brand new, candy-apple red, $125,000 Lamborghini. She's cruising at about 95, radio blaring, having a great time. She comes up on this trucker who is carrying a double-wide home and is taking up both lanes. To her disliking, he is only going about 45. To get the point across that she wants to get past, she decides to tailgate him. So, she gets to within a foot of his rear bumper. The trucker looks back and sees her on his ass, and motions for her to get off of it, but to her it looks like a wave and she waves back. Since her first attempt was futile, she decided to get a little closer and begin flashing her headlights, hopefully making herself more visible in the process. Once again the trucker sees her on his ass, and this time motions for her to pull over to the side of the road. The trucker steps out of his vehicle with a chunk of chalk and draws a circle three feet in diameter in the middle of the road. He instructs her not to move until he tells her to. Naive as she was, she agrees to it and steps inside it. The trucker goes back to his truck and pulls out a 50-ounce Louisville Slugger. He walks over to the Lamborghini and beats it, and beats it, and beats it again. When he is done, all that is left is a brand new, candy-apple red, $125,000 pile of metal. Satisfied, he throws the bat in his truck and walks over to the blonde. When he gets there, to his astonishment, the cops were waiting. He was found guilty in court and forced to pay the blonde a settlement of $250, 000.

"what did the priest say to the rabbi?" "what" "my religions better

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd probably put all the labials, coronals and dorsals in separate places sorted into plosives, nasals and fricatives, with the vowels at the beginning sorted by their relative IPA chartings, to make it more logical and easily attainable to foreigners.

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because its rayseans favorite number

How do u get a baby to stop crawling in circles? Nail its other hand to the floor

A black guy and a Mexican are sitting in a car who's driving??? The Cops

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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