What did the mother say to her son? Nothing, she was dead.

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WITH YOUR RED THUMBS COMBINED! I AM CAPTAIN MORAL! You: GOOOOO (AWAY) MORAL! CAPTAIN MORAL MAN, IS A HERO, GONNA TAKE GREEN THUMBS RIGHT BACK TO ZERO... Moral: Okay that is all I remember about the Captain Planet Theme song... GIVE ME RED THUMBS MUAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA! PS: Redhead, three months have passed (more or less) I wont call you because we agreed you would get of this fucking place, but I can visit you if you are a good little girl! And yeah I am calling you Red, Tifa just reminds me of Final Fantasy and your big bosoms so yeaaaaah get your little red haired cunt over here so we can chat yes?

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A carpenter walks into a bar. After ordering some wine he tells the bartender that one of his 12 friends will betray him. He also says that once he was captured, the government will execute him on a wooden cross for everyone to see. The bartender in disbelief says to the man "You gotta be kiddin' me, do you think you're Jesus or something?" The man throws his glass of wine to the floor, grabs the bartender by his collar, and says "Hey man, I ordered red wine, not white wine you bastard!" After a few minutes, a group of nurses escort the insane loon back to the mental clinic. The bartender never saw the man again and proceeds to sweep that mess the psycho left on the floor.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the turkey was in the oven and all the farm animals thought the chicken could run the errands in his place just fine.

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What is the difference between a Jew and pizza? Pizza does not scream when it goes in the oven.

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SEX

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Q: When there's something strange In your neighbourhood, Who you gonna call? A: The Local Authorities!

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why should you not shake a baby? because if it dies it wouldnt know that its parents hate them.

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Your mumma's so ugly. Period.

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Dad, why do people say mom is a nympho? No idea son, try asking one of your other dads.

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Awesome! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> minecraftnow.us <

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Roses are gray, violets are gray. I am a dog.

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What's as hard as rock and as light as a feather? Any object in the space, once the lack of gravity makes atoms to have not weight, since mass x gravity equals to weight.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Systemic oppression.

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name one pop artist who's better than Michael Jackson that's really hard. there's so many

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Why was the little girl crying Someone therew a dump truck at her

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What's white, wet, and loved by women? A polar bear cub.

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Why were there only 5,000 Mexicans at the Battle of Alamo? They only had 1250 trucks.

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My dad is lactose intolerant. He shouldn't eat cheese.

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Have you heard about the Polish princess? There isn't one. The Polish monarchy was abolished in 1918.

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A man jumped off a cliff and wished he could fly. He was hit by a plane

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people magazine

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Knock knock I don't even have a door just walk in

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Words with two W's or N's in them are awkward and unnecessary

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops