I just flew in from New Zealand, and boy am I tired. It was a really long flight and I found it incredibly difficult to sleep in those seats, so I didn't bother and kept myself awake watching in-flight films the whole way.

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A gay man goes out with a butch lesbian and develops a loving relationship, years later they get married and have kids, adopting them from the local orphanage and lives happily ever after.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Jim: Why did the chicken cross the road? Bill: Why? Jim: To get to the other side! Bill: I don't get it Jim: It's an anti-joke, because you expect a punchline but there is no punchline, you get it? Bill: Hold on, let me tickle myself.......oh okay now I get it hahahahaha!

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How do you keep an idiot in suspense? You watch a suspenseful TV program and pause at the right moment.

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why did the blonde put on a coat? because she was cold.

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Old Macdonald had dyslexia IE IE O

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Why did the chicken cross the road? If you don't know the answer by now, there's something wrong with you.

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What is the difference between a pile of baby's and a new jeep? I don't have a brand new jeep in my garage.

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how do you make a baby stop crying? but hot coals down its throat

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What did the girl say before she jumped a bridge? "Do you think I can jump off this bridge?"

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was a socially responsible chicken and his family was on the other side and every day walks his ass across the street to go to work to provide for his family, unlike your dead-beat ass.

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whats fat, green and hairy? Nothing I would pleasure myself to.

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What did the Blonde do when she saw train tracks? She walked over slowly, looked both ways, and crossed safely

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What's the difference between my dog and my wife? I respect my dog.

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How do you put a baby to sleep? Snap its neck.

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What does a boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Cancer

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Roses are blurry so is everything else I need glasses

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What's 9+10? 19

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What happened to the homeless man at midnight? He took a shit on the ground

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What's the difference between apples and oranges? You can't wash a window with a spade.

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Hey i just met you and this is crazy but your adopted banana

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Why did the woman come out of the kitchen? She didn't.

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Twitter: @TotalJokes: "So it's been 11 years since the planes hit the world trade centre, time really does fly by."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops