Why did the duck cross the road? It followed the chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why did Susie fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock Who's there? Not Susie!

thumb_up thumb_down -1

A handless Asian boy was riding his bike through the park with some friends. One of his friends puts his arms in the air and yells "Look! No hands!" The handless boy rides his bike home, crying and thinking about how one day he would like to say, "Look! No hands!" without people getting nauseous.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

An Irish man walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and notices he has a steering wheel stuck down the front of his pants. "Hey," he says, "What's with the steering wheel down your pants?" The Irish man looks down at it, dumbfounded. "I have absolutely no idea," he says, and removes it.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What's worse than having to listen a song from Justin Bieber? Being wrongfully convicted of child molestation,rape and murder and spending 50 years in prison before being acquited by DNA-analysis.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

knock knock who's there? Jehovah's witness GOOD BYE!

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Knock knock Who’s there? The police, your family was killed in a horrific car crash on highway 22 this morning at 10:15 after they collided head on with a truck. They died instantly if it is any conciliation. We will contact you further into our investigation. Dave then poured himself a whiskey and thought about all the good times he and his family shared, teaching Jessica to ride a bike, his and Kate’s honeymoon in Honolulu, playing catch with Jacob. That’s when the full extremity of the situation hit Dave causing him to break into tears he sat and cried for three hours and fifteen minutes. Once he had gotten that out of his system he decided to visit his mother and tell her the horrible news. Knock Knock Who’s there? Dave Dave who? Again Dave breaks into tears as his grandmothers althsiemers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember her sons name. Feeling shattered he decides not to go through the process of explaining who he is and decides to head to the local pub to drown his sorrows. Bartender: hard day? Dave: my wife and two beautiful children were mauled in a head on collision with a truck and my mother can’t remember who I am. Bartender: yeah sure but was it a hard day? Dumbstruck with this ridiculous remark Dave pauses for a moment. The bar is silent only the sounds of bottles clinking and feet tapping on bar stools can be heard. Cigarette smoke hangs in the air. Dave stares at the bartender momentarily then throws his bottle at him send him off balance Dave then grabs the shot gun he knows the bartender keeps behind the counter and shoots the bartender at point blank range. Some customers run scared witless other try to control Dave but only end up in the same position as the bartender. Dave is left standing in a pool of blood. The smell of death hangs in the air with the cigarette smoke. Feeling slightly better Dave heads home and kills himself. Dave was an excellent plumber we will miss him.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Q: How do you get a blonde out of a tree? A: Throw a moneky at her

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Roses are red Violets are blue There's suppose to be a fourth line.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

The Dalai Lama orders a slice of pizza for $2 and gives the cashier a $5 bill. He then realizes he hasn't been given any change, so he asks for his change. The cashier quickly apologizes and hands the Dalai Lama three dollar bills.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What did the black guy do in the hood? walked down the street, bought the paper and watched Letterman.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

KONY 2012! *world rises up cheering in spontaneous patriotism for Africa* Leader of KONY 2012 arrested for public masturbation

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Sally heard a scream in a dark room and went to go see who it was. Knock Knock! Who's there? Not Sally...

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

knock knock! who's there? Jim Jim who? Jim Goldenbach

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What do you call a black man on the moon?? Never going to happen

thumb_up thumb_down -3

who would win in a gang battle? WEST COAST SWAG

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What is black and white and red all over? A nun that just fell down the stairs.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

That awkward moment when a sentence doesn't end the way you thought it gay unicorn

thumb_up thumb_down -3

what this: b a dead one of these: p

thumb_up thumb_down -3

How do you confuse an English Professor? Light your pants on fire and flop around like a fish.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Your moms so fat she weighs 200 kilograms

thumb_up thumb_down -3

why did the chicken cross the road? becuase he wanted to walk and the road was the only available place to do so

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops