A duck walks up to a lemonade stand, as asks the man running the stand, "Hey, got any grapes?" The man suffers a heart attack from the shock of a talking duck

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A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father ****s on his desk.

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Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

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Who let the dogs out? The dog's owner.

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Why did two girls need one cup? they didnt feel like washing an extra dish to drink their coca cola

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When an anvil and a feather are dropped off a building the anvil will hit the ground first because it's heavy

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Why can't Timmy go on any rollercoasters? Because he's morbidly obese and it would a safety hazard.

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What kind of shots does John take at night? Insulin, because he's a diabetic.

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Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? She technically could have, she was physically able, but cars were not invented yet, and even if they were it is unethical for any humane person to let a blind and def person drive.

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How do you make a lumberjack cry? Kill his family

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. Why are VIOLETS blue?

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An Aussie, American and Englishman were all drinking beer on a plane to Hawaii. All 3 of them were very excited for their vaction, which they all saved hard for and their breaks from work were well deserved.

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i dont fisish anythi

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What happens when two elephants go out in the rain? They get wet.

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How did the little boy survive the massacre? He didn't. How did the little girl survive the massacre? She was the killer.

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MURRRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Q: What's brown and sticky? A: Feces

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Whats brown and a fag? A bundle of sticks

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Why was six afraid of seven? Six had severe paranoia.

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Your mom is so ugly she often finds it difficult attracting members of the other sex.

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hey i just met you and this is crazy but here is my gun so get in the van

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What is the difference between john madsen and a gay person. There isn't because john is gay

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Why Cant michael J Fox draw a perfect circle? Because he is dying of Parkinson's disease.

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whats worse than 1 bee sting? Two bee stings. Whats worse than two bee stings? The holocaust. Whats worse than the holocaust? Three bee stings.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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