A heavily drunk man walks into a bar and proceeds to die of alcohol poisoning.

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Why didn't Johnny's father come home? He was killed in Afghanistan.

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Why didnt the boy finish the race? Becuase he stepped on a land mine.

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Horse walks into a bar... Bartender says It's probably not a good idea that you're in here. You're a very large animal. Any sudden movements, you may injure somebody. I don't know why you're here. None of the glasses are ergonomically designed for you to drink from them. So, you should probably leave.

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A man walk's into a bar with a monkey, I fotgot the rest of the joke. Your mom is a whore.

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What rhymes with milk...milf

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Today we eat large amounts of pizza. The one piece had a lot of mushrooms. Like more than the other pieces. The cheese was flawless except for the burnt edges.

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Did you hear about Osama Bin Laden? He's dead.

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What did the rapist say to the child? Contrary to popular belief, I am just a kind old man that likes to hand out sweets to disadvantaged young children. I only got dubbed a rapist when a child crawled into the back of my van as I drove off; the fact that his abusive father was the one who raped him is not my fault.

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What's eighteen inches long, stiff, and makes women scream at night? A twelve inch long penis that is erect, thus adding approximately one half of its flaccid size, and involved in the act of fornication with the female partner of the man whose penis I am describing. (Of course, it is ignorant and juvenile to assume that the man in question is heterosexual. He may be a homosexual, which is perfectly acceptable in these liberal times we live in, or he may in fact be single and not inclined towards a sexual preference of any kind. This is understandable due to the myriad complications of long-term relationships, a result of the infinite differences between the masculine and feminine psyches.)

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Why did the boy jump in the van? Because his parents had just been in a terrible car accident.... There where 2 fatalities.

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I love this website, oh shit *Car* Dead*

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Officer i'm dot nrunk, beriously you gotta selieve me!

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Do you know whats funny to say to someone unless they're black. Your ma's in jail.

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Why did the woman cross the road? Better yet, why is she out of the kitchen

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42

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What's worse than a crying baby on a trans-Atlantic flight? A hungry lion on a trans-Atlantic flight.

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Dylan: "I dont understand anti-jokes"

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why did the teacher quit her job and become a musician? Because her class was very mean to her and growing up she had always wanted to play music

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whats on object, almost tube like that squirts thick white liquid from the top elmer's glue

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What do you call a black man on the moon?? Never going to happen

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what's the difference between an abortion clinic and my basement? there are more dead fetuses in my basement

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Why did suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock - who's there? Bob -bob who.... Bobs knocking for suzie!

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Whats worse the losing your 3 kids, your lovely beautiful wife, and your trusty dog, all your belongings and in a house fire while you're at work? Nothing

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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