How do you make Lady Gaga cry? Attack her with a sanding machine.

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Roses are red and i like Pie but seriously, i don't care if you die

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What did the frog say when it was attacked? Ribbit.

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se* is like math add the couple minus the clothes add the cream and just hope they dont multiply

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What's blck and blue and doesn't like sex? The ten year old in my car.

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1,2,3,4,5..what comes next? yeah you should know how to count

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what does pedobear get for christmas ? nothing he's the one giving love to all kids .

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Q: why did the little boy fall off the swing? A: He had no arms Q: Why couldn't he get up? A: He died when he hit the ground

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Did you hear about the guy that had his entire left side cut off? He's all right now. Dead but all right.

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What happened when the man turned on his TV? It was tuned to the Discovery Channel

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Guy 1: Why does it smell like a wet dog? Guy 2: Because I smell like a wet dog

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because I hit her with a shovel.

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Why was the baby crying? Because he was tied to a railroad track. How did the baby die? He had a bomb strapped to him. How did the bomb explode? It got ran over by a train.

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I wondered why the piano was getting bigger. Then it hit me... I'm sorry I have visual agnosia

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Q: What's orange, hairy, and covered with gasoline? A: Definitely not a chair.

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Jesus can can WALK on WATER, but Chuck Norris can SWIM in it.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Most poems rhyme, But this one doesn't.

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Why was the pizza mad? Because he was going thorough a growth spurt and the testosterone got to him.

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so there is a 13 year old boy who got left home while the rest of his family was driving to colorado, so the police comes to his door, and says son your whole family has just died in a plane accident. And the boy says, but my family was driving. . . the policeman then says, i'm aware, the plane actually hit their car and only killed your family.

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2 men walk into a bar, the 3rd man ducks and ask them if they're ok

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A wise man once said a journey of a thousand steps starts with one step. The wise man also smoked weed and starved to death in a cave.

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A man walks into a bar. Three hours later, ambulances arrived, because the man was knocked out. The man who saved was known as a hero, and was awarded a medal for his good deed.

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There was 2 friends named Shutup and Trouble. They were camping and Trouble got lost in the woods. Shutup called the police. Shutup: Hello, is this 9-1-1 my friend is missing. Police: What is your name sir? Shutup: Shut up Police: What? Shutup: Shut up Police: What did you say? Shutup: I said Shut Up Police: Hey are you looking for TROUBLE? Shutup: Yes! Police: Guess what? We found him, he's safe in the station. We will have a officer come by a drop him off. Have a good day Mr. Shutup Shutup: Thank you

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Why is Stevie Wonder always so happy? Probably becuase he's a highly succesfull multi-million dollor recording artist with 26 grammys and 1 oscar

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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