Why did Susie fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Susie.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What is green, has four legs, and if it falls out of a tree and onto your head, it will kill you? A pool table.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

what is the difference between hitler and the jews? They had different religions

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Q:Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it? A:The old drunk, of course; the other three are mythological creatures.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Once upon a time there lived 3 polar bears; a mummy polar bear, a daddy polar bear and a baby polar bear. Ond day the baby polar bear said to the daddy polar bear "I don't feel like a polar bear, I'm cold!" and the daddy polar bear said "You look like a polar bear."

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Fool me once, shame on you Fool me twice, shame on me Fool me 3 times, oh now you're just being a jerk

thumb_up thumb_down -7

One day 2 people were gonna fight after school and the final bell wrung then they started the mtch and the challenger says, "Hey whats the one thing that you say when you don't want to fight and ypu let the other person win?" The other guy says, "I give up?" Then the challenger says, " I WIN!!!"

thumb_up thumb_down -7

A gorilla walks into a bar and gets a banana martini. The bartender thinks that this is peculiar, and then he realizes he is dreaming. He wakes up and tells his wife about this ridiculous dream that he had. His wife ignores him, and the man rolls over and begins to sob because he realizes that his marriage is in shambles.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father shits on his desk.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why doesn't Austin have sex? Because when his wife gets hot he puts dirt on her and hits her with a shovel

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why did the hamster cross the road? Because he was stapled to the chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread!

thumb_up thumb_down -7

There is a horse sitting at a bar, and the bartender says MOTHER OF GOD!! What is this horse doing in here?!

thumb_up thumb_down -7

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change the bulb, one to suck my dick!

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Knock knock. ... ... *after waiting 30 seconds or so to no answer, the knocker concludes there is no one home and decides to go home to take his son to soccer practice and work on his taxes, and maybe call his mother to see how her foot surgery went* Who's there? Oh.. This is awkward, I forgot why I was here in the first place. I have to go. Bye.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

My cat just died.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

I am paralyzed from the neck down.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Q: What do Captain Jack Sparrow, Captain Crunch, Captain Morgan and Captain Kangaroo all have in common? A: They are all caucasian

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Most poems rhyme, But this one doesn't.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Q.How many babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb A.Babies are to young to screw in lightbulbs

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What do you call a Black man with a gun ?? A black man with a gun !

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Ask me if I'm wearing pants. Are you wearing pants? Yeah.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What's the opposite of a joke? An anti-joke. You're reading one right now.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops