“When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!”

thumb_up thumb_down -7

why did the girl chug her tub of frosting? she had no spoon

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Doctor, Doctor. I think I've broke my arm! I'm going to refer you to the fracture clinic.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why doesn't Michael Jackson play with my brother anymore? Because he's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why do aliens listen to relaxing music while they have sex? They like to cum in peace. \m/

thumb_up thumb_down -7

three peanuts where walking down a dark alley, one was asalted

thumb_up thumb_down -7

why did the cookie go to the doctor? he had to get a physical to be eligible to try out for his school's football team. his mom drove him there but was very careful not to get his hopes up too high since his chances of actually making the team were slim to none based on the fact that he had no arms or legs but only succulent chocolate chips in every bite.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

My dad weights 350 lbs. He decided to switch to diet soda.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Instructions to make origami. 1.) Staple bagels to face 2.) Ask someone else to do it. 3.) Hang yourself because you are too stupid to figure it out yourself

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Wanna hear a joke? Women's Basketball

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Hello.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

A black man in a hooded sweatshirt is sprinting down a back alley. He is trying to get into better shape by exercising and knows a shortcut to his house.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why did the ground beef taste funny? Because little Timmy fell in the grinder.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Knock knock who's there atch watch who? bless you

thumb_up thumb_down -7

When is a door not a door? When it is ajar.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why are black people afraid of chainsaws? Because chainsaws are powerful machines, capable of dismemberment and death when wielded by someone who wishes to cause harm

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Yo momma so fat that she was diagnosed with obesity and may need medical assistance in the future and will be reliant on you, her child.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

I knew a little girl once. She was ate before she was seven.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why didn't the boy go to the bathroom? His mother was taking a well deserved bath.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What is the difference between an Australian and an Ethiopian? One is from Australia the other is from Ethiopa

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What is the difference between Switzerland and Sudan? One is in Europe the other is in Africa

thumb_up thumb_down -7

I had a chocolate chip cookie today, thats it, just a chocolate chip cookie.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

How do you drown a blonde? Weigh her down and throw her into a body of water.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops