“When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!”

why did the girl chug her tub of frosting? she had no spoon

Doctor, Doctor. I think I've broke my arm! I'm going to refer you to the fracture clinic.

Why doesn't Michael Jackson play with my brother anymore? Because he's dead.

Why do aliens listen to relaxing music while they have sex? They like to cum in peace. \m/

three peanuts where walking down a dark alley, one was asalted

why did the cookie go to the doctor? he had to get a physical to be eligible to try out for his school's football team. his mom drove him there but was very careful not to get his hopes up too high since his chances of actually making the team were slim to none based on the fact that he had no arms or legs but only succulent chocolate chips in every bite.

My dad weights 350 lbs. He decided to switch to diet soda.

What the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair.

Instructions to make origami. 1.) Staple bagels to face 2.) Ask someone else to do it. 3.) Hang yourself because you are too stupid to figure it out yourself

Wanna hear a joke? Women's Basketball

Hello.

A black man in a hooded sweatshirt is sprinting down a back alley. He is trying to get into better shape by exercising and knows a shortcut to his house.

Why did the ground beef taste funny? Because little Timmy fell in the grinder.

Knock knock who's there atch watch who? bless you

When is a door not a door? When it is ajar.

Why are black people afraid of chainsaws? Because chainsaws are powerful machines, capable of dismemberment and death when wielded by someone who wishes to cause harm

Yo momma so fat that she was diagnosed with obesity and may need medical assistance in the future and will be reliant on you, her child.

I knew a little girl once. She was ate before she was seven.

Why didn't the boy go to the bathroom? His mother was taking a well deserved bath.

What is the difference between an Australian and an Ethiopian? One is from Australia the other is from Ethiopa

What is the difference between Switzerland and Sudan? One is in Europe the other is in Africa

I had a chocolate chip cookie today, thats it, just a chocolate chip cookie.

How do you drown a blonde? Weigh her down and throw her into a body of water.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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