- Anti Joke

What do you call a black man driving a plane? A pilot, you racist.

What do you call a man with a horse? A man

What did the shark say to the boat captain? So do you prefer cards or pool?

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Why is Joel always with Jamie? Because her incorrectly positioned eyes prevent her from seeing the true Joel.

What's more irritating than a half eaten apple? Some prick taking up half the page with shitty copy and past routine.

An Englishman, a Welshman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are all stranded on a desert island. After several days spent utilizing the survival skills they had been taught in the Royal Navy, they were eventually evacuated by fellow sailors searching for them. As the only survivors, their stories were vital in preventing such shipwrecks in future.

What did the red fish say to the blue fish? Nothing fish can't talk.

Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

A man walks into a police station with a gun... He is there to turn it in, he found it on the side of the road and realized that this situation would best be handled by the proper authorities.

a horse walks into a bar. Noticing the potentially dangerous situation everyone leaves, the bartender calls RSPCA who come and retrieve the horse and order is restored.

why did the cow cross the road because pigs were not flying i had to write it hurts

whats on object, almost tube like that squirts thick white liquid from the top elmer's glue

Why did the ANTI-JOKE book cry? -It wasn't funny

why was 6 afraid of 7? because seven is a murdering sociopath

Go away still nothing to see

What is the difference between Julis Ceaser, and the moon? The moon is covered in rocks and craters, and Julis Ceaser is DEAD

Wanna hear a dirty joke? A little boy falls into the mud Wanna hear a clean joke? He takes a bath with bubbles Wanna hear a dirty joke? Bubbles is Michal Jackson.

"knock knock" "who's there" no answer Opens door to find dead wife lying on doorstep with 'lol' stamped on forehead

How do you put an elephant in a fridge? Open it up and stick him in. How do you put a giraffe in a fridge? Take out the elephant and put in the giraffe.

When life gives you lemons, refrigerate them so they don't go bad.

A red-head, a brunette and a blond are trapped on an island 10km from civilization. The red-head swims 1.5km's, but is to tired, so she swims back to the island. The brunette swims 3km's, but is too tired, so she swims back to the island. After watching the first two fail, the blond evaluates the situation and decides that she does not possess the swimming ability required to reach the 5km point (At which swimming back to the island becomes equally as far as swimming to civilization), and instead stays on the island and creates a signal fire out of bits of debris scattered on the island, getting rescued within hours.

If an ugly person got raped. What would that be called? Nothing. It is never gonna happen. Kelvin Yang.

A kid finds a bag of heroine. He is a good Samaritan and asks the nearest junkie if it belonged to him.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Want more? You might be interested in...

Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops