A Jewish man answered his phone one day. The man on the line said he'd kill him and all his family. The Jewish man then hung up the phone and resumed his everyday life.

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In the attic lights Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Leaving the things that are real behind Leaving the things that you love from mind All of the things that you learned from fears Nothin' is left for the years Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Lights, voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Leaving the things that are real behind Leaving the things that you love from mind All of the things that you learned from fears Nothin' is left for the years Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic

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Why did the man fall off of his bike? He was hit by a car and died in a tragic accident.

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A pirate walks in to a bar. The bartender notices he has a steering wheel in the front of his pants, so he says to the pirate, "you know you've got a steering wheel in your pants, huh?" The pirate responds, "Arrrrrrrrr, it's for me carrrrr."

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What did the monkey say to the Pope and the Queen? Good evening, Your Holiness. Good evening, Your Majesty,

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A red-head, a brunette and a blond are trapped on an island 10km from civilization. The red-head swims 1.5km's, but is to tired, so she swims back to the island. The brunette swims 3km's, but is too tired, so she swims back to the island. After watching the first two fail, the blond evaluates the situation and decides that she does not possess the swimming ability required to reach the 5km point (At which swimming back to the island becomes equally as far as swimming to civilization), and instead stays on the island and creates a signal fire out of bits of debris scattered on the island, getting rescued within hours.

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What did the mute person tell the deaf person? Nothing. Even if sound could emit from his vocals the impaired of hearing person would still be unable to respond unless they have taken classes to read lips. The deaf person didn't take classes nor did the mute person learn sign language.

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Q Why did the chicken cross the road? A Because it couldn't fly

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A black man is trapped inside a bottle, how does he get out? He doesn't it is simply impossible for a human to get trapped inside a bottle.

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Whats the difference between a squirrel and a grape? They're both squirrels but ones a grap...

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What's the difference between cancer and my grandmother? She doesn't have cancer.

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When life hands me beef, I make lemon stew.

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Jack and Jill went up the hill. But it was winter and they froze to death

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What did Bob say at Fred's house? "I know where Fred lives."

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An old friend of mine had an idea. "Socks, but for your hands." I laughed until the day I heard he died of chaffed penis.

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Death by kayak

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What happened to George's pet rock? It ran away.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a Boy Scout? Boy Scouts come back from camp.

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ur left leg is cristmas nd ur right leg is thanks giving can i vist

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Hey man, you the tall one! Yes? Do you understand me? No. But you do overstand me right? Yeah, I overstand most people.

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Q: What did the doctor say to his wife? A: Penis.

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You're mom is so slutty, she has sex with many men.

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Your Mom is so fat.... When she's goes to McDonald's and orders 3 Big Macs the people standing in line behind her all look at her with disgust and a tinge of pity.

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knock knock whoses there whose home whoses home who? you

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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