Why was the girl-scout crying? I hit her in the knee with a baseball bat.

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A man walks into a park. He gets abducted and raped by flying asparagus.

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What did one alien say to another alien? I miss Mexico.

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Your mother is so heavy that she decided to try out nutrisystem

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What did the farmer say when his cow got stuck in a tree? - "Get down"

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An astronaut and a cosmonaut are sitting in a bar, discussing who was better. The cosmonaut says, "We Russians were the first people in space!" The astronaut says, "That may be true, but we were the first to land on the moon my friend." The cosmonaut turns back to the astronaut and says, "Yes, but we shall be then first to ever land on the Sun!" So, the astronaut skeptically asks, "And how do you intend to do that?" The cosmonaut replies, "Simple.......we will go at night." Thank you to David Cross

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A blind man walks into a bar, bystanders help him up.

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Why did Timmy miss school? He was killed in a tragic school bus accident

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What's worse than getting dumped? Heart Failure.

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Why did the Asian crash her car? Someone shit on her windsheild.

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What's big, black, and impossible to swallow? A parking lot. Among many other things.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Tulips are white and Pansies are pink.

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What is the similarity between Moses and Muhammad? They both have the same letter starting their names

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A man walks into a bar with a chicken on his head the bartender asks the man why do you have a chicken on your head the man replies the chicken is thirsty

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Roses are red My parents are dead I am Batman.

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How does micheal Jackson know when it's bed time? When the big hand touches the little hand.

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Whats the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?? The WheelChair

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"What time is it?" "Time to buy a watch." The homeless man inquiring about the time proceeded to cry.

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What do you call a black teen on Maury Povich? A mother.

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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? It was probably a cold day.

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What did the prostitute say to the president of the United States? Good morning Mr. President. She had managed to leave the sex industry, finished her education and was doing secretarial work in the White House.

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A man attempts to sign in to PlayStation Network... And succeeds, proceeding to enjoy the console's numerous award winning exclusive titles such as LittleBigPlanet and Uncharted 2, along with utilizing the system's Blu Ray capabilities and playing with his friends online in an absolutely free network, on what many consider to be the superior console to the Xbox 360.

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What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson? Neil Armstrong walked on the moon and Michael Jackson appeared in court several times under charges of child molestation

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How many Woman does it take to change a lightbulb? none they had a back up lamp

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops