How did the old man die? He was shot after eating a rather large watermelon while skydiving out of a helicopter, boob fighting 5 toddlers.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why was the dog barking? Because I lit him on fire.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do you call a mexican with a driveable lawnmower? Rather wealthy.. He must have a secure job to pay for a home with a lawn, and a lawnmower.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Whats worse than having a parking cone rammed up your ass? Realizing that a big orange cone is up your ass.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't. The chicken was booted into the air by a screaming Russian osselot.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why can't you teach drivers ed and sex ed at the same time in Iraq? The camel would get tired.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

If you had 4 oranges in one hand and 7 oranges in the other, what would you have? Really big hands.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What is small, yellowy-white and emits a kind of cheesy smell? A lump of cheese

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What did Jamaal say when he was in Walmart? I'm Jamaal and I'm in Walmart.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's wore then finding a worm in your apple? Being the only person to survive a plane crash over Alaska, then having to eat your family in order to stay alive waiting for help to come.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's blue? The sky.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Do not use your phone, I repeat DO NOT USE YOUR PHONE, at this point we do not know enough, as for this kid, he is about two minutes from getting his ass locked in a nice prison, I told them he does not know anything, and I will make sure he does not squeal, you should be good, even if I got to take care of him.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

My former roomate had that game, about some bald guy that can slow down time, but thats like supernatural or something.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

whats worse than the black death. Bieber Fever

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do you call two Muslims flying an airplane? Pilots

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's the difference between a red shirt and a blue shirt? one is red and one is blue

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding a worm in your penis.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Did you hear about that man who ate 17 cheeseburgers?! I didn't.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

When you say that Chuck Norris has counted to infinity twice. I say that you cant count to infinity because it isnt a quantifyable number

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's eighteen inches long, stiff, and makes women scream at night? A twelve inch long penis that is erect, thus adding approximately one half of its flaccid size, and involved in the act of fornication with the female partner of the man whose penis I am describing. (Of course, it is ignorant and juvenile to assume that the man in question is heterosexual. He may be a homosexual, which is perfectly acceptable in these liberal times we live in, or he may in fact be single and not inclined towards a sexual preference of any kind. This is understandable due to the myriad complications of long-term relationships, a result of the infinite differences between the masculine and feminine psyches.)

thumb_up thumb_down +3

http://media.photobucket.com/image/whale%20penis/marcus1v0/whale_penis2.jpg

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino? El-if-iknow

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Roses are grey. Violets are grey. There is an entire spectrum of the world I am not privy to.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Two dinosaurs go to a theme park. On the way home they contemplate that they didn't really enjoy themselves. They decide to buy some ice cream to cheer them up a bit. They are severely frustrated by the lack of fun they had for the money they paid. Then they go to sleep. I completely forgot how this joke went, but your mom's a slut.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops